When people hear “sports girlfriend,” I think they picture a pretty girl sitting in the stands wearing her boyfriend’s jersey, cheering for him with a handmade poster and then running to him at the end of the game to take game-day photos. While that is definitely part of it, being the girlfriend of a college athlete is so much more than what people see on game day. What I have realized in my time as the girlfriend of a college football player is that I had not initially prepared for the lifestyle that came with it. It means learning how to fit a relationship into two incredibly busy lives, figuring out how to support someone through both their best and worst moments, and learning how to be there for someone without losing yourself in the process.
Finding Time When Neither of You Has Any
One of the hardest parts of dating a college athlete is simply finding time together. College is already busy, but athletics can make a schedule even more complicated. From practices, lifts and meetings to games, travel, and recovery, my boyfriend’s life is extremely busy on top of being a college student. At the same time, I have my own responsibilities. I am a double major with a minor, involved in a sorority and clubs, and trying to maintain my friendships and have a life outside of school.
We also live about an hour apart, which makes things a little more complicated. Seeing each other isn’t always something we can decide to do at the last minute. Even if we both have a few hours free, there is still the drive there and back, along with everything else that has to fit into our schedules. Sometimes one of us is free while the other is at practice. Sometimes we both have time, but not enough to make the drive worth it. It can be frustrating because it is not a lack of wanting to see each other. Sometimes there are simply not enough hours in the day.
I think that is something a lot of people can relate to, even outside of sports. As you get older, relationships are not always about having unlimited free time together. Sometimes you have to intentionally make time for someone while also trying to keep up with everything else in your life.
Sometimes, You Choose the Game
Being a sports girlfriend also means making choices about where you want to spend your time. There are weekends when I could stay home, spend time with friends, go to events, catch up on schoolwork or just enjoy having a free weekend. But instead, I chose to go to his game and spend the weekend with him.
I don’t necessarily see that as giving something up, though. I go because I want to be there. There is something special about watching someone you care about do something they have worked incredibly hard for. I know how much time football takes up in his life, so being able to show up for something that matters to him matters to me too.
At the same time, being supportive does not mean that my entire life has to revolve around his sport. I still have my own goals, friends, commitments and interests. There will be games I cannot attend because I have something else going on, just like there will be times when he cannot come see me because of football. I think that is an important part of any relationship: being able to support each other without completely losing your own life.
The Unwritten Rules of Game Day
There is also a learning curve that comes with being around an athlete on game day. You eventually figure out that there are certain things you probably should and should not do before a game. You learn whether your partner wants to be hyped up, whether they want to talk, or whether they would rather focus and have some space. You learn that starting an unnecessary argument right before kickoff is probably not the best idea, and that asking someone if they are nervous every five minutes probably isn’t going to help.
But there is no universal rulebook. Every athlete is different, which means you have to learn your person. That is where being a girlfriend becomes less about football and more about understanding your partner.
I have learned to recognize when my boyfriend wants encouragement and when he needs space. I can tell when he wants to talk about a game and when he would rather leave it on the field. I have learned the difference between when he says he is fine because he actually is and when he says he is fine because he is not ready to talk yet. Those little things might seem insignificant, but they are part of knowing someone well.
Being There for the Wins and the Losses
Of course, one of the best parts of being with an athlete is watching them succeed. You get excited when they have a great game and proud when their hard work pays off. Even though I am not the one playing, I still feel invested in those moments because I know how much effort went into getting there. But you also experience the other side.
You see the bad games. You see the frustration after a mistake or the disappointment when something does not go the way they wanted. Sometimes you can tell that something is bothering them before they even say anything. The hardest part is knowing that you cannot fix it. I cannot change the score. I cannot go back and change a play. I cannot control what a coach decides or guarantee what happens next. Sometimes all I can do is listen and be there. I think that has taught me an important lesson about relationships in general, which is that supporting someone does not always mean fixing their problems. Sometimes it means sitting with them when something hurts and letting them know they do not have to go through it alone.
That becomes even more important when the sport is connected to someone’s future. My boyfriend wants to continue playing at a higher level, including potentially transferring to a Division I program. That brings a different level of pressure because football is connected to bigger goals. There is pressure to perform, improve, and prove yourself. As much as I want to see him reach those goals, I also know that I cannot control whether they happen. I can encourage him, listen to him, and remind him that one game or one setback does not define him.
Two People With Their Own Lives
One of the biggest things I have learned is that being in a relationship does not mean becoming the same person. My boyfriend has his goals, and I have mine. His happen to involve football, while mine involve my education, my future career and the things I am building for myself.
I still have classes, clubs, my sorority, friends and responsibilities. Those things matter to me just as football matters to him. I don’t want to become known only as someone’s girlfriend, and I don’t think he should be expected to put his own goals aside for our relationship either.
Instead, we have to find a balance between “me,” “you” and “us.” There is my life, his life and then there is the life we are building together. I can support his dreams without giving up mine, and he can support mine without giving up his. Sometimes that means compromising, sometimes it means giving each other space, and sometimes it simply means understanding that we cannot always be available at the exact same time.
I think there is an important difference between sacrificing yourself for someone and compromising because you value the relationship. Driving an hour to see someone, going to a game, or changing plans does not automatically mean you are giving up your life for them. Sometimes you make those choices because the person matters to you. The important part is making sure that both people are willing to make room for each other.
I Signed Up for the Lifestyle
I did not know everything I was signing up for when I started dating a college athlete. I did not know how complicated finding time together could become or how much football would become a part of my life. I did not know that I would become invested in the wins, feel the disappointment of the losses, or learn how to tell when my boyfriend needed encouragement versus when he needed space. But I also did not realize how much the experience would teach me about relationships.
It has taught me that supporting someone does not mean fixing everything for them. It has taught me that two people can have completely different schedules and still find ways to make time for each other. Most importantly, it has taught me that being in a relationship does not mean giving up who you are. You can support someone else’s dreams while still pursuing your own.
Football may be the reason our relationship has some of the challenges that it does, but I think the lessons go far beyond sports. At the end of the day, it is about two people trying to build their own lives while also making room for each other.
What I Thought Love Would Look Like
When I was younger, I probably imagined relationships as something much simpler. You like someone, they like you back and you get to spend as much time together as you want. College has taught me that real life does not always work that way.
Sometimes love looks like driving an hour just to spend a few hours together. Sometimes it looks like sitting in the stands and watching someone you care about do what they love. Sometimes it looks like listening after a bad game instead of trying to fix everything. Sometimes it looks like giving someone space even when you would rather be close to them. And sometimes it looks like supporting someone from a distance because you both have things you need to accomplish.
Being a sports girlfriend has taught me that a relationship is not about having unlimited time together. It is about making the most of the time you do have and being willing to make room for each other.
I didn’t just sign up for the athlete. I signed up for the lifestyle. And somewhere between the long drives, busy schedules, game days, wins, losses and everything in between, I have realized that sometimes loving someone means simply learning how to stand beside them while both of you are still figuring out where you are going.