Coming into school a year ago, I never knew what to expect being single in college. Going into my second year, I became a single lady and I feel like I stepped into a whole new world of sexuality and sexual stigmas I never knew existed. Ladies, if you’ve been single in college, you feel my pain.
The word sex itself is like a dagger. It can change a lot in your life. Or, it can even change you as a person. Sex can put a label on your reputation or it can make you the girl on the block everyone’s lining up for.
Why is sex such a BIG deal in college?
After personal experience, I’ll share some insight.
1. It can change someone’s perception of you in a heartbeat.
Being in college, your sexuality and your body are the one thing you own entirely to yourself. Having sex with anyone that does not classify as the “norm, can really damage how others view you. Why people care so much, I do not know, but I do know that the simple act of having sex with someone you aren’t dating can be detrimental to your reputation. People ask what your “number” is, AKA your body count, and immediately judge you upon your response. Everything you do well seems to slip their mind, because your sex count obviously reflects the only morals you have, right? Why, why, why?
2. You’re labeled as a “whore” if you like it and a “prude” if you don’t.
There is no in-between. Labels are everything when it comes to describing someone’s sexuality, which is so damn sad. It is as if a person’s feelings or personal situation do not matter. All that seems to matter is whether they have sex and/or if they’re good in bed. If a young woman has sex with multiple partners, she is described as nasty names, especially if she expresses disinterest in someone she used to have sexual relations with. On the flip side, if a young woman is a virgin or even if she just blatantly does not want to have sex, she is labeled a prude and uptight. If we respect our bodies or even if we don’t, we are criticized no matter what.
3. It is expected of you if you agree to hang out alone with a guy.
DISCLAIMER: This may not be everyone. But, has happened quite a lot in personal experience.
Let me paint a picture. You meet a guy on social media, through mutual friends, at a party, or maybe even Tinder (ugh). He is adorable and you hit it off immediately. He gets your number and texts you. You go over his place and it just so happens no one else is home. He gets you alone and what do you do… Well, if you are blindly optimistic, you are like me. You expect everyone to have good expectations. But, unfortunately a lot of people don’t. And your optimism can be mistaken for flirting. And your want to get to know someone better is mistaken for your want to hook up. And when you tell him you don’t want to have sex, he either 1) never texts you back after that day or 2) is disappointed and makes you feel bad about it. I am sure this not a precedent for all men, but it’s certainly been a pattern of many guys here on campus.
4. Your sexuality defines you as a person.
You can get a 4.0 GPA for all eight semesters. You can be failing. You can be sober. You can be drunk. You can save the world for crying out loud. But no matter what you do, your sexuality is what many people see you as. What people hear about you is what sticks with them. If they hear from your best friend’s boyfriend’s brother that you sleep around, it is what they identify you as. And a certain stigma is associated with this identity. People assume things that are likely not true and you are discredited slightly for the many accomplishments you’ve completed because you had sex with someone you are not dating.
This is insane.
Many people on campus turn a blind eye on this situation until they are confronted with the issue. Sex can influence your life at college immensely. Many people say, “Sex is sex. Oh well.” But, it is so much more than that.
Why can’t women embrace their sexuality without being judged? Why is our business a talk of interest? Why is a women’s sex life so defiant to their reputation as a person?
It’s 2015. Things are unquestionably changing. If having sex is what you like to do, do it! Embrace your sexuality and do what you want while you’re young. That’s what college is for, right? I think what I am trying to get across is that although all of these things are emotionally damaging, try to see past these hollow accusations. Screw it.
If you care about disrespectful guys’ opinions of your sexuality, you are giving them consent to make you feel inferior. You know you are so much more than that. As long as you’re responsible, do whatever your little heart desires.
Have sex and be merry.