Friendships should be fun and add value to your life, but sometimes relationships with friends that once seemed great can turn sour. No one likes to think about cutting someone they consider a friend out of their life, but sometimes it is necessary. So how do you know it’s time to drop that friend?
You’re feeling bad.
This should seem obvious, but sometimes when you care about someone, you ignore when they treat you badly. It is important to recognize when someone’s comments and behaviors negatively affect you. For example, does your friend mention that you need to lose weight because she’s concerned about your health, or because she wants you to feel bad? If a “friend” makes you feel bad about yourself, especially about things you cannot change, you need to drop them.
Tip: Tell your friend their behavior is hurtful and they are making you feel bad. If they don’t change their behavior, drop them.
You’re begging for attention.
Does it seem like they are always busy when you want to hang out? Do you wait hours for them to respond to a text and all you receive back is “K”? Friendships are a two-way street, meaning you both have to put the effort in to make them work. While schedules do get busy and it can be hard to make time to socialize, if someone is important to you, you’ll find the time for them.
Tip: Let them know that you want to see them more. They may not realize you feel ignored. If they continue to ignore you even after bringing it to their attention, drop them.
You’re being negatively influenced.
Remember when your mom would say to you “If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump off too?” As juvenile as that may sound, it can apply to college friends, too. Friends should help push you out of your comfort zone without completely derailing you. For example, if you have made it clear to your friends that you want to cut back on drinking, yet they insist you come out with them every weekend, they clearly don’t respect you and your needs. If your friend forces you into situations that you aren’t comfortable with or they don’t respect your views, they are toxic and need to be dropped.
Tip: Communicate to your friend that you don’t appreciate the way they are acting. If they continue to be a bad influence, drop them.
You’re the back-up friend.
While your friends are allowed to hang out with other people, they shouldn’t make you feel like you’re always their second choice. There is no pain quite like seeing someone on your friend’s Snapchat story when they told you they had homework. If your friend only wants to see you when they have nothing better to do, drop them.
Tip: Let them know that you feel left out. If they still do not make an effort to include you, drop them.
You’re not clicking.
One of the hardest parts about friendship is growing apart. As sad as it may be, people can change over time. This means that someone you were friends with last year might be a completely different person this year. While it may be sad to not have that person in your life anymore, personal growth is a part of life and should be embraced.
Tip: Make an effort to go on “friend dates.” Start watching a TV show together or go to the gym together. If after that you still feel like the friendship isn’t working let them know it might be time to drop the friendship.
If these things sound all too familiar, it may be time to evaluate your friendship.
Communication is key to any healthy relationship, so before cutting someone out of your life completely, talk to them. They may not realize you feel neglected and want to still be your friend. But remember ultimately you are the best judge of who deserves your time.