Long distance finds you when you least expect it… is a way to put it. No one necessarily chooses long distance, at least with excitement. It most likely results from a separation because of college, a job, study abroad or other reasons. It can be intimidating, isolating and lonely. It can be easy to find yourself feeling alone and constantly missing your person. Although most of us are lucky enough to be able to communicate by texting and calling, it of course, is not the same. Take these as a couple life hacks on how to survive this part in your relationship, remember it is just a blip and the long distance will end (hopefully)! But, remember that each relationship is unique and each relationship handles long distance differently, just as a reminder. I have seen a lot of TikToks about tips and tricks to long distance, things that have worked for them personally. I read and swipe through those, and sometimes agree but most of the time I do not. I personally have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 years, we just go to different colleges. Maybe some would classify it as medium distance because we are lucky enough to be in the same state, but it is still something in need of planning farther ahead. We are both busy individuals, but have nailed down what works for us while long distance.Â
But going back to the TikTok tips, I hear a lot of tips that shrink independence or simply aren’t reasonable for two college students living very busy lives. While being apart from your person is something no one wants to experience, it is important that you have your own life- one you are excited to live and one you are proud of. It is important that you both build lives where you are; while the long distance is temporary, the place you are currently living should not feel that way simply because it does not have them in it. Living a life without them, yet still in partnership with them, can be beautiful, but of course can feel lonely. Recognizing that it is okay to do things alone, or simply not with them, is a big step. A tip I hear a lot and agree with is planning your next visit ahead of time. It begins to feel impossible when I do not have an upcoming date planned to see each other next. It gives you something to look forward to, and the distance feels less heavy.Â
It is also important to recognize that each person in the relationship might have different needs while you are far away from one another. For example, you may want to call every night before you go to bed, but your partner might find their peace alone at night after long days. While you shouldn’t need to sacrifice that desire, leniency is needed to have a relationship that blooms.Â
Understanding your partner does not have ill intentions behind texts, or lack of, can save many resentments and bickers. Discussing what makes you feel loved while you are apart is one way to avoid getting hurt, or even hurting them in the future.Â
A tip I have, which could work for long distance or not, is talking to a girlfriend before you talk to your partner if you are angry with them. Not a friend that will be angry with you, but one that will laugh with you and make you forget you are upset. Arguments and resentments can escalate quickly when you can not be physically there to make it better, which is why it is necessary for you to talk to someone else before you head full force over the phone at each other. Encouragement to go out and meet new people, explore new clubs and passions, and to build a life where you are is completely necessary to find happiness where you have been planted. Separation from one another shouldn’t bring fear. Your partner finding happiness and satisfaction in the place they are should be encouraging. I know personally that while I always wish I could live that life with them and build one together, that is not where I am meant to be right now. For now, I am to live my life here, and him there.Â
Finding a groove that works for you and your partner might look completely different than the next relationship. It might look like calling every spare second, texting about everything or visiting each other every weekend. While everyone might be a different distance away, each relationship has its own needs. Find what makes you both happy, cared for and understood. If you have that, you don’t need all the tips and tricks- you will survive just fine.