For most people, college is a fresh start. It is a change of scenery, new people, new experiences, and a completely different pace from the life you once knew. For incoming college students, this can be an exciting but scary transition, especially when you are entering a place you have only ever heard about from friends, family, or social media. One of the things that can make that transition easier is finding people who make you feel comfortable. Having friends around can make n unfamiliar campus start to feel a little more like home.
But what happens when those friendships change?Â
Something that is not talked about enough is the fact that the people you meet during your first semester or first year of college may not necessarily be the people you remain closest to throughout your college experience. And honestly, that is completely normal.
I can personally attest to this. When I first came to college, I found a friend group that I became very close with during the beginning of my freshman year. At the time, I thought these were going to be the people I would spend the rest of college with. But as time went on, things naturally changed. We grew apart, our lives started going in different directions, and I eventually found myself building a different support system that felt like a better fit for who I was becoming.
At first, that can feel strange. When you are used to seeing the same people all the time, realizing that you are no longer as close can make you question whether something went wrong. You might wonder if you did something wrong, if you should try harder to maintain the friendship, or if everyone else has somehow figured out their “forever” college friend group while you are starting over.
The truth is, college is a time when you are changing just as much as your surroundings are. The person you are when you first arrive on campus is not necessarily going to be the same person you are a year or two later. You are taking different classes, joining organizations, meeting people from completely different backgrounds, discovering new interests, and figuring out what you actually want your life to look like. Naturally, your friendships can change along with you.Â
Sometimes, you do not even have to have a falling-out with someone. There does not need to be a big argument or dramatic ending. Sometimes, you simply stop having as much in common. Your schedules change. Your priorities change. You meet new people. Or you realize that the friendship you once had does not feel as supportive as it used to.
And that does not make the friendship meaningless. Just because someone was an important part of one chapter of your life does not mean they have to be part of every chapter. Some friendships are meant to last for years, while others are there for a specific period of your life. Both can still be meaningful.
If you find yourself outgrowing your college friend group, the most important thing is not to force yourself to stay somewhere simply because you are afraid of starting over. Give yourself permission to meet new people. Join a club. Go to an event. Talk to someone in one of your classes. Spend time with people who make you feel like you can genuinely be yourself.
And most importantly, do not compare your friendships to everyone else’s. College can make it seem like everyone has their perfect group of best friends, especially when you are constantly seeing pictures of people going out together, taking trips or celebrating birthdays. But you rarely see the friendships that are changing behind the scenes. You do not see the person who feels left out, the friend group that is slowly drifting apart or the student who is trying to figure out where they belong.
For me, I am only slowly starting to begin building my support system here. Coming from someone who came to WVU knowing absolutely no one and who entered a place that was thousands of miles away from what I had once known, I can tell you wholeheartedly that it will be okay. I will be honest, the first semester of my freshman year was really rough. But after I found a good group of friends, found parts of myself that I didn’t realize before, joined clubs and Greek life, and found someone who truly understood me, it got better. Trust me when I say it wasn’t easy; in fact, it was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but there is a world in which you will be happy with where you are and how far you have come.
If you are in that position, you are not behind. Sometimes finding the right people takes time. Sometimes your college experience does not look the way you imagined it would when you first moved into your dorm. And sometimes, growing apart from people is actually part of growing into yourself.
So, yes, it is normal to outgrow your college friend group. You are allowed to change, meet new people and create a support system that fits the person you are becoming. Your college experience does not have to be defined by the first people you meet. There are still so many friendships, experiences, and memories ahead of you. And sometimes, letting go of what no longer fits is what gives you room to find them.