With Valentine’s Day coming up, I would challenge you to truly evaluate the state of your current relationship or situationship. Scary, I know. But anything that you are putting desperate amounts of energy into deserves a good evaluation, or at least in my opinion. To be fair, I have had my fair share of experience with nonreciprocative relationships, hoping a guy would change, staying with someone with whom I was constantly in fight or flight mode with and more moments I would not like to admit. But now that I am outside those situations, I will never allow myself to be in another relationship or situation like that. So, once I hear stories of similar boys or relationships, I automatically jump to the advice I have written below.Â
First off, let’s discuss the matter of situationships. To classify a situationship, I would say that you and this boy have been seeing each other out, you have seen his bedroom, your Uber driver has seen you there one too many times or maybe a walk of shame or two has been involved, that right there would be a situationship in my opinion. A relationship involving confusion, heartache, strong feelings and more. I believe that after some time of this little dance, if you are still unsure if he has any desire to make you his own, I think he might just be… there. (I am only talking to the girl who wants a relationship; if you only want a fun fling, by all means!) But for those of us who are hoping for a boyfriend to arise out of a mess like this, I would pay close attention to the signs he has already shown you.Â
He doesn’t know anything about you, yet you could name his aunt and favorite baby cousin? Pass. He has no desire to take you out on a real date and would rather just meet you out? Pass, baby, pass. If he has avoided the question of “What are we?”, yet will continue to ask you to come home with him at the bar, I am begging you to pass. Giving him your time, energy, and effort when it is not reciprocated in the slightest, simply and slowly limits the amount of respect you can give yourself. To be blunt, if a man wants to be with you, he will be with you. Once you meet a man who desires you, you will know right away how you had been mistaken before.Â
Moving on to if you are currently in a relationship, feel free to keep in mind that while I do not personally know details of your relationship, I believe I do have a good understanding of basic warning signs that maybe he is not the one. My advice, if you are unsure whether or not you belong in this category of unhealthy relationships, would be to ask yourself a few things. Do you lie to your family and friends about things he says or does? Are you embarrassed of the way he speaks to you? You will see it on holidays, on your birthday, every morning- does he want to celebrate you? If you are questioning if you will receive flowers this Valentine’s or unsure if you will even receive a thoughtful text, maybe he is not the one, yet just… there. Sadly, exactly how he treats you is exactly how much he cares about you. There is very rarely any gray in this statement, simply black and white. A guy who cares for you and respects you would never put you in a position where you are questioning that fact.Â
I feel as if I am unable to place all my thoughts and advice into this one piece, but I just hoped to give some advice to any girl who may be unsure if she is wasting her time. But, most likely if you feel like you might be, that most likely is your answer. There are times when this feeling of confusion, anger and hurt can be fun. But it comes to a point where you no longer need to have that life of hurt, and you can choose to pick a person who will not leave you in the dark. So, this Valentine’s Day, I hope you choose yourself and only stay with him if he is the one!