I Swiped Right on Every Guy on Tinder and This Is What Happened

Tinder. You are on this app if you are looking to hook up, if you are bored or if you are sincerely looking for the one. For those of you who are lucky enough to never have experienced Tinder, it is a dating app that allows you to “swipe” left for people you are not interested in from looking at their photos or reading their bio. You “swipe” right for people you would like to talk to. If you are lucky enough, you will match and have the chance to make small talk.

After exploring Tinder numerous times now, I figured I would see what I was missing out on when it came to widening my horizons. I have a type, to a T. My type is usually a Caucasian male with brown hair, thick eyebrows and a killer jawline. But, not every male on Earth is blessed enough to look that good. So naturally, I swiped right on every single male that graced my Tinder to see the rest of the Tinder world. I came, I saw and I never want to go back.

My distance is 15 miles and my age limit is 18-26. I swiped right until I ran out of swipes (bummer, right?) and I ended up with 45 matches just from one day. I anticipated doing this for an entire week, but one day was enough. I did not message a single match first. Instead, I waited patiently for them to approach me. The results varied from sweet to outrageous.

The photos ranged from shirtless pictures to poorly lit selfies. Some people never even showed their face. Some people, you cannot even see what their face looks like in their pictures or determine which person they are in their group photo. Who are they trying to fool? Not me, that’s for sure.

Before I explain the responses, my bio states “Looking for someone to pet dogs with and eat the occasional midnight banana split.” Super innocent and cute, and straight to the point.

I received 20 messages essentially saying “Hey, how’s it going?” or some variation of that statement. Those guys, I respect because they are simply just trying to put themselves out there. Shout out to you guys, find yourself a match that is not conducting a social experiment!

I received a message from Arnie saying, “I bet it was my dog lol.” No, Arnie. It wasn’t.

Mikey asks me, “If you were getting a dog which breed would ya get?” with a gif of a dog walking on his hindlegs. Cute. A for effort.

Evan told me, “You look like trouble.” My photos are below. Do you agree with Evan? Nope? Didn’t think so.

Dillon took the sexual route and told me, "I have a big banana and I can split you." What does that even mean? I don't want to know.

Emre seems a bit confused after saying, “After reading your bio I think you are so cute. You say that you wanted to pet dog and eat banana split at night time with the man who you wish to meet J That’s good.” Emre, that is good. You are right.

But ladies, you have got to find a guy like Bobby. Bobby went with his gut and told me his intentions. “Hello my name is Bobby. I think you’re gorgeous. It would give me great pleasure to take you out for breakfast sometime. What do you say?” Someone please match with Bobby and let him take you out in my honor. Breakfast is on me.

Lastly, I am just confused by Tyler. “Hey Mel. You’re name is unique and I love all the food in your pics lol.” First things first, it is your. Not you’re. Second, I have ONE photo with food in it, then in the last photo I am mid bite into a McDonald’s pie. He wants the food, ladies. And he thinks he is funny. Mel is not unique. Stop it.

All in all, it could have been a lot worse. But, it was not good either. The phase for Tinder has came and gone. Maybe people will actually meet their hook ups or s/o’s face to face? Who knows. Don’t try this at home, friends!