How to Spot if Your Partner Isn't the One

Your heart’s broken, there’s ice cream in your hands and you’re pretending you’re crying at the sappy rom-com, not your current life situation. You’ve probably run through all the moments where you might’ve missed the warning signs that the relationship was going south. Well, here are the signs that your SO isn't the one. 

1. They make you uncomfortable

If you’re uncomfortable and you have voiced your concerns (communication is key) then they should do what they can to make you not feel this way. They should not push you to do things that you don’t want to do or pressure you into moving your relationship at a pace that you don’t like. If they do, this is a red flag. The right person for you should be patient and understanding about when you’re ready to move forward, so don’t do anything that you aren’t ready for. Remember that you don’t owe them anything and your wants matter.


2. “But”

Someone once told me that when a person says the word "but", whatever they say before is basically meaningless. For example, if they say “I’m sorry, but,” then they’re probably not really sorry. If they say “I know you feel bad, but,” then they probably aren’t that interested in what’s bothering you. Even though this is a tiny detail, how a person uses the word ‘but’ can really tell you a lot about their character.


3. They want you to change.

This one goes both ways. Whoever you’re in a relationship with should not want you to change, they should love the person that you are and be accepting of all your quirks and mannerisms. Everything that makes you the person you are should be loved and appreciated. You should also not want your partner to change, if there are things that they do that bother you then maybe you should consider if it is something that you can live with. If it’s something like they don’t make their bed every morning and that annoys you then maybe it’s something you can grow to be okay with, but if you’re dating someone who you think drinks too much or they want you to revolve your life around them, then maybe that’s a sign that this relationship isn’t for you.


4. Attraction, connection and trust

Back when I was going through a terrible breakup, I searched for all of the answers. I bought I don’t know how many relationship books hoping that I’d be able to figure out what went wrong and how to get him back. I spent a lot of time chasing someone who didn’t think that I was worth it, which is another red flag and something that I didn’t deserve which you don’t deserve either. However, during this time of searching, I did find one book that really helped me. The author, Kevin Thompson, wrote that the three things that every healthy relationship needs are an attraction, connection and trust. If you lack one of these with your partner, then this is a sign that something is wrong. You shouldn’t have more bad days than good and you shouldn’t worry about your partner having other relationships behind your back.


5. They want you to give up your girlfriends.

If you haven’t listened to the song Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerini, you should do that right now. It’s about a girl who lost herself and her girlfriends trying to keep a man that didn’t even love who she was. If anyone wants you to give up your friends then they don’t deserve you. Partners come and go but your friends are there for life, and any significant other who doesn’t realize how important they are to you isn’t your prince charming. You should never have to give up the girls you love for the partner you love, in the right relationship you’ll have the perfect balance of both.