If you’ve watched Sex and the City, then you are no stranger to the odd relationship between Carrie and Mr. Big. Beginning as a simple “meet-cute”, they quickly developed into an on-again-off-again romance. There’s no denying that Mr. Big’s emotional unavailability was one of the many reasons this relationship didn’t work, but Carrie’s naivety also played a part in their downfall. And it’s important to recognize this to avoid your relationship turning into another tasteless SATC sequel.
That instant connection you feel when you first meet someone special is exciting. So exciting that you might throw logic and reason out the window just to spend time with them. Small looks and gestures are easy to overanalyze and mistake as mutual feelings. I’m not ashamed to admit that this has happened to me more than once, especially in my younger years. I had spent what I thought was a great night with a guy I’d been crushing on for months, just to find out that he didn’t remember anything about it the next morning. I felt like I had just fallen from cloud nine right onto the pavement of reality. He didn’t like me as much as I liked him, and that was a tough pill to swallow. My self-esteem was severely bruised, and I realized that I had built up these feelings without any confirmation that he felt the same way. Had I known he wasn’t thinking about me as I thought about him, I might not have been as hurt as I was in the end.
“Get it while it’s hot!”
I tried to get his attention any way I could–messaging him, dressing up for work and posting on social media were all futile attempts to win his affection. I felt like Carrie when she showed up at Big’s with pizza, desperate and way too hopeful. When I did get the breadcrumbs of attention, I felt like I was on top of the world, and when I didn’t, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. My overthinking led me to question my self-worth when I should’ve been questioning his true intentions. It’s easy now to look back on these thoughts and how ridiculous they were, but it took many situations like this to make me realize that rejection or even just lack of reciprocation should never make anyone feel bad about themselves.
“I curse the day you were born!”
After Big leaves Carrie at the altar, he runs into a very pregnant Charlotte, and she gets so upset while talking with him that she goes into labour. He insists on driving her to the hospital, to which Charlotte agrees. This is one of those rare moments where the audience sees real emotion from Big. We can tell he genuinely cares about Charlotte’s well-being and wants to help her, which tugs on our heartstrings just like it does Carrie’s. Offering too much praise for a good deed like this is exactly how Carrie ends up where she does with Big every single time. He may be a good person, but that doesn’t make him a good boyfriend.
Just like Carrie, I find myself coming back to my Mr. Big whenever he randomly pops back up into my life. And every time, I have to remind myself that returning to someone who doesn’t treat me with respect is the ultimate way to make me feel bad about myself. There’s no doubt that Carrie would’ve been saved from a great deal of grief had she prioritized herself over her feelings, but this is difficult, especially when it comes to love. Some relationships are easy to label as toxic; abuse is cut and dry, whereas love bombing and manipulation are easier to rationalize and accept as normal behavior.