Well, once again it is that time of year: hockey playoff season. Men and some women thrive on this proclaimed season if you haven’t already guessed from the constant updates via Twitter and Facebook. For those Red Wing fans, like me, it is another chance for us to prove that Detroit is the one and only place known as Hockeytown and not Hawkeytown for you Blackhawk fans. I’ll most likely get some slack from that last statement from my Illinois friends, but last I checked we go to school in Michigan.
But for you collegiette’s™ that despise sports in general, you have yet another thing to despise: playoff beards. A superstitious tradition originating from the New York Islanders three decades ago, teammates and loyal fans start growing a beard until their team is eliminated from the playoffs. Personally I can deal with a little scruff, but if your team tends to win (cough, like the Wings, cough, cough) those Dumbledore-like beards start to grow an annoyance. For example, those men that were born with gorilla-like genes and grow 5 o’ clock shadows by midday. Guys don’t be tricked by those shirts that say, “chicks dig playoff beards.” It’s a lie; those chicks make up an extremely small population.
Playoff beards are unfortunate for some NHL players that are considered hot during the regular season. Many are scrutinized due to their awkward facial hair. It’s simple. Some can handle beards whereas others simply shouldn’t even try. Those girls that are familiar with Sydney Crosby from the Pittsburgh Penguins, he has one of the most talked about patchy messes of a beard. It’s a little creepy if I do say so myself.
But as awful as this tradition is there are some benefits to those lion-esque beards. There are beard-a-thon contests that give the chance for fans to “grow one for the team” and donate money for charity. In 2010, $300,000 was raised for charity. For a good laugh of featured beard growers, go to www.beardathon.com. This website also has the list of the participating NHL teams and how much money their fans have raised up-to-date.
So collegiette’s™ prepare yourself for these upcoming months. Give up. Your man will not shave that beard if he is the die-hard fan he says he is. Hey, it might even be fun to watch him squirm in those hot-summer months or even get constant slack from his mother to do something before that up-coming graduation or wedding. All you can do is sit there and pray his team loses a few games, but to win just enough to make it to the next round. Because with a loss he can trim, but with elimination your man will be in a clean-shaven depression.