“Periods.” “That time of the month.” “God’s punishment for Eve’s mistake.” No matter what you call it, it’s messy, agonizing, and it just sucks. Symptoms include chocolate cravings, rolling around in bed in agony, and maybe a little self-hatred.
Most girls start their periods in late middle school or early high school, and by the time we’re in college we’re pros at dealing with the civil war that happens inside our bodies. There are also ways that guys should handle them as well as the girls having them.
Periods are supposed to take place once a month and last for about a week. It’s normal for a young girl to be irregular when Mother Nature first bestows this monthly gift upon her. As girls grow up their cycles become more regular and most know their monthly schedule. If your period comes every other month or only a few times a year, take a second and be a little grateful that’s how your body works. If you’re worried, visit your doctor.
On the outside, periods just seem like pain meds and a few extra minutes in the bathroom. On the inside, there’s a war going on.
When a female decides not to get pregnant each month, the unfertilized egg that had been stood up by its date, sperm, and the lining of the uterus become the refugees of the battle, fleeing through the vagina and on to the poor female’s panties. Normally, the female uses pads and/or tampons to counter this attack. This, like many peace-keeping efforts, fails frequently and there are still innocent, adorable panties that get caught in the crossfire.
We have the constant worry that our flow might be too heavy and the blood will seep through onto our jeans, or yoga pants, or sweats. Our backs ache, we’re bloated, and exhausted. Everything becomes 10 times harder.
Here is a Period Survival Kit:
1. Pads and Tampons
I don’t think I need to explain.
2. Pain Medication
Pain meds are a God send. A lot of girls don’t want to deal with the pain so popping pills is a necessity (props to those out there who don’t take pills and deal with the agony). It’s not our fault Mother Nature delivers that swift punch to our uteri’ every month just because we’re not pregnant. We didn’t ask for this. Excuse us if we seem a little rhymes-with-“witchy”. Blame the hormones.
3. Comfy Undies
Let your “down there” be comfortable. Wear underwear you aren’t emotionally attached to in case there’s leakage from the pipes. Remember, there’s no shame in wearing granny panties.
4. Happy Foods
Eat foods that make you happy. Fruit is a light, healthy food that you won’t feel bad eating. Some studies show that tea helps relieve cramps. It relaxes the muscles that cause cramps. You don’t have to be an angel with food when you’re on your period. If you want that chocolate cake, eat the chocolate cake.
5. Heating Pad
Back pain is one of the worst side effects of being on your period. It’s like you’re forced to carry around an elephant on your back, one that eats all of your happiness and gets bigger throughout the day. Plugging in a heating pad and sipping some tea feels amazing after a long day of walking around campus.
6. Stretchy Pants
Wearing tight pants when your body decides to bloat makes for a miserable day. Your body naturally gains a few pounds in water weight during your period, so don’t worry if your favorite skinny jeans aren’t fitting right. Yoga pants and sweat pants are the key, even if you believe you look like a bum. Pair them with a cute shirt and you’ll look like a high class bum.
And to all the guys out there who are afraid of talking about periods, creating a codename for it does not make it go away. Be sympathetic. Buy your girlfriend whatever food and painkillers she wants, put in any movie she wants, even if it’s a Nicholas Sparks movie, cuddle and offer to give her a back massage. You don’t have to bleed for a week every month. Give us a break if we’re sassier than usual or feel like crying at everything. Let us freak out at the so cute pictures of baby animals online. If you’re nice to us, we’re more likely to be nice to you.