Unfortunately, we all go through it at some point in our lives–a breakup. Maybe you’ve been dumped, or you both agreed to see other people; maybe you’re even trying to be “just friends.” Either way, here is a guide to getting over your breakup.
Well, if your heart is the one that was broken, it’s going to suck. Whether you’ve been broken up with on the phone, over text, in person or out of the blue, you can’t help but feel bad for yourself and that’s okay. So let me start off by saying that I’m sorry this happened to you. Now, right after the breakup is what I like to call the “lost” period. When you’ve been so close to someone for a certain amount of time, not having them be a part of your life anymore can feel like you’ve lost a body part. You don’t really know what to do now; you have to learn to live without that person again, especially if you’re coming out of a long relationship. Personally, I just got out of a three-and-a-half-year relationship and I felt like a lost puppy. Here’s what you do: for one day, be a mess. Lock yourself in your room, eat until you can’t, have a good cry, watch sappy movies, write angry poems, and stay in your sweatpants–whatever you want. Moping, I like to call it.
Next, after a day of heartbreak, do something. It’s understandable to be upset about losing a boyfriend–and for a lot of us, a best friend. But sitting and crying isn’t doing you any good at all—it’s just making yourself more miserable! Continue on with your normal schedule. While it’s fine to be sad, sitting and thinking about “what could have been” will break your heart all over again. It’s hard, but you have to stay positive! A great way to get a lot off your chest is talking about it. Talk to your friends, your mom—somebody—about how you’re feeling. Bottling up your emotions isn’t healthy and although it can be painful, you will feel so much better after talking to someone. I guarantee it!
Once you’ve passed the depressing phases of the breakup, which will take time, it’s okay to start talking to guys again. Just don’t rush into a relationship because you feel like you need to. Be single for a while! Enjoy being unattached and do what you want. Go on dates, hang out with your friends, get a new hobby, get a new job–just do whatever you do, for you.
Avoid becoming the Stalker Ex. Once you’re broken up, you have to remember just that: you’re not together anymore! Blowing up his phone with texts and calls will not win him back; odds are he’ll just get annoyed and ignore you. Stalking his Facebook and Twitter or looking at pictures of him and a girl he’s now seeing is a big no-no. It’s hard to stop communicating with someone whom you once told everything, but you have to remember you’re not attached to him anymore and can’t get mad at him for moving on too–even if that maybe means deleting him from your friends list.
Lastly, if you can avoid it, try not to do the whole, “Oh, no, we’re just friends” thing. You may think it’s a good idea at the time and maybe it will help you wean off being with him, but in the end, it can’t cause anything but more heartache. There will always be that little bit of discomfort and tension, not knowing what to do. How do you go from lying all over each other to sitting on separate chairs? From holding hands to awkwardly folding your arms in front of you while you walk? And there’s always jealousy if you hear him talking about another girl. It can either destroy a new relationship if you’re incapable of moving on because you still talk to your ex all the time, or you’ll end up going through the make-up-break-up phase which is, honestly, annoying and unnecessary. Do both of you a favor and agree to be done when you’re done.
Although it takes a lot of time and tears, you will come to a point where you realize you can make it without him. Ladies, you don’t need a man to feel good about yourself! It’s scary, but you’re not alone! And always remember that everything happens for a reason.
Editor: Noel Carlson