Today, American culture seems to be centered around appearance. We consistently struggle to appear normal, healthy, and in control of our lives, not to mention attractive. This focus arises out of some sort of confusion; somewhere in our nation’s societal development we began to confuse the internal and external, believing internal afflictions to be solvable by external, appearance-based solutions. Meanwhile, the unexamined feelings and beliefs that reside within us fester and color our vision. Having stumbled upon a TED Talk by BrenéBrown (see right), a research professor at the University of Houston, I came to better understand these internal issues and why we avoid them. It appears that much of what we are running from, is shame.
As Brown acknowledges in her speech, people often avoid the topic of shame like the plague, because it’s undeniably uncomfortable and scary. The important thing, however, and the reason why I’m writing about it today, is that shame is, in fact, something we all experience, and it drives many of our thoughts and behaviors. Among these thoughts and behaviors are the patterns we develop in forming a body image. This is an instance in which it is all to easy to approach shame with external adjustments, as we are presented with image after image of “perfect” models whose polished bodies and faces are portrayed as emotionally unaffected, having seemingly no shame. In viewing these unavoidable pictures, kids (and adults, for that matter) are being taught that their physical appearance has the power to define and control the way they feel. Upon failing to achieve this perfection, as we all inevitably do, we are left with an internal sense of shame in falling short.
What I present, echoing Brown’s TED talk, is an acceptance of exactly where we are, right now, no matter how “imperfect” that may seem. When we realize that there is nothing shameful or wrong with any aspect of our bodies or physical traits, we are freed from the vacant cycle of painting fulfillment on our faces, or building it up at the gym. Truth be told, we can find satisfaction with our physical appearances as soon as we open up to vulnerability, and allow a place for imperfection in our hearts. According to Brown, creating something that has never existed before is the most vulnerable act there is. If you think about it, we inhabit a body that has never existed before every day, just by virtue of being ourselves. This vulnerable act of being unique is shaken when we view our appearances as dysfunctional versions of the perfect body, and find ourselves right back in the midst of shame and disappointment. The key to attacking shame and developing a healthy body image, then, is internal. We must walk openly into vulnerability and decide to look lovingly upon our bodies, in spite of what the media prescribes.
And so I’d like to end by encouraging each and every one of you to embrace the vulnerability and imperfection of your own unique body, and discover that you are inherently worthy as it is.
Sources:
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html