With socializing comes chemistry and that can lead to a relationship. Relationships do not have to be just romantic, mind you. So what if you’re in one and you do not know what to call it? Here is a quick recap of some of college’s most common connections and what they mean so that you know what’s what when swimming through the sea of student studs… or just lingering around the Fish Bowl at the Career Center:
Random Hook-Up/One Night Stand: This should be straight forward, but a hook-up can mean a variety of things to any one person. For example, “make-out,” “getting scandalous,” “hook-up,” or any number of creative terms could all mean very different things. Make sure you know what the term means for you and understand that its meaning might change. To have a random hook-up, you do not need to be in any of the following categories, but it could lead to friendship, or more, later.
Friends: This should be a starting point for everyone. This is someone you should feel comfortable with and be able to rely on for last-minute lunch buddy dates or late night adventures. Everything should feel casual, effortless, and drama-free. There can be some casual flirting, but anything much more than that and you start veering into another category.
Fantasy Friend: A friend you fantasize about occasionally or even regularly but you would never actually take steps towards another relationship. This category is, in fact, very normal because as you become more intimate as friends, you may begin to think of him/ her in an intimate way. This is totally normal and you should not feel weird about it, unless feeling weird helps you realize you want these fantasies to come true. Then proceed…
Oops!: Ok, you hooked up with your friend. Maybe it is a little awkward now. But it will not happen again! You are just friends and it was a one-time mistake. You can continue just being friends, no problem. Unless it was not a one-time thing…
Hook-Up Buddy: This is someone who you are friends with and you hook-up from time to time. This can occur do to deep attraction or simple convenience. Usually there are no “true feelings” involved, no planning the hook-ups, nothing should ever feel forced or fake, you are un-exclusive, and The Talk (you know which one) should be unnecessary. If The Talk is ever necessary for any relationship, consider yourself in limbo until a conclusion is made.
Friends with Benefits: This is a popular but potentially dangerous category. You want to remain casual friends but still get it on with your partner. The difference between FWBs and HUBs is that FWBs hook-up more regularly, sexting is encouraged, you can booty call, and you are un-exclusive. “Feelings” and The Talk should still be avoided unless something changes. Overall the chemistry should be natural but everything should be casual. But what if you want more?
It’s Complicated: I hate this term. Your partner hates this term. Everyone on Facebook hates this term. Avoid this term.
Going Out: This is casually dating and perhaps not ready for the commitment that the scary d-word implies. This category does, however, necessitate that the two of you have, in fact, gone out at least once. One cannot be “going out” if the most adventurous outing was lunch at Marketplace, but there should be one-on-one time in any way you can procure it. You do not have to call them dates or appointments, but that’s what they are and should be. Treat them as such. At this point, you should be exclusive unless you decide to be in an open relationship with your partner. One can skip HUB and FWB to get to this level. But what if you are ready for the plunge?
Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Facebook Official: This is the real deal. At this point, you should be happy with your relationship and be proud to bring your partner home to Mom. By now you should definitely have had The Talk with your significant other and should not at all feel squeamish about calling him/her your beau. If you do, maybe you are not ready yet, and that is fine! Everything should feel right and honesty is key. If the relationship is not working, that could lead to breaking up and…
Rebound: Someone who provides you with the emotional and/or physical things you are missing after a break up with your BF/GF. In fact, a rebound can happen after any of the previous categories implode. Whatever you do, make sure this person does not become a crutch for dealing with new feelings of pain or freedom.
Thank you for reading and I hope you found this helpful. I know I wish I had something more navigable than the confusing definitions from Urban Dictionary and Cosmo when I had started fishing for friends and FWBs! But a few notes:
This article is merely a way to categorize relationships into simplified terms for easy understanding. Whatever you do, make the right decisions for you and your partner’s/partners’ mental, physical, and emotional needs. If you ever have a problem with a partner, use the Student Health Center and the Counseling Center to your greatest advantage and try your best not to be a kiss-and-teller. Good luck!