Beauty is a universal idea. When we deem something beautiful in the world, either in nature or art, it is usually because it is unique, awe-inspiring or incredibly detailed in design. We call scenery beautiful, we call buildings beautiful, we call music beautiful, we call paintings beautiful. And yet, when we talk about beauty with regards to the female form, we look for a standard. We look for the same features. We consider difference ugly, and the same ‘important’ characteristics beautiful. All of female beauty judgment is perceived through the male gaze. Even when as women we judge how each other look, it’s what we assume men want.
The recent move towards rejecting ‘fat-talk’ and viewing body types other than the ‘standard’ tall and slender as still beautiful is a wonderful thing. But not if we keep talking about it in the sense of what men want. Saying ‘men prefer curves’ or ‘men prefer something to hold on to’ isn’t helping anyone; it is simply implying that we as women exist and should try to be ‘beautiful’ just to please men. Ladies, we’re better than that!
Equally, there is no place for skinny shaming if we want to truly re-define female beauty. Skinny shaming and fat shaming are equally as damaging to the female psyche in determining how we feel about our bodies. I don’t know the average size for a woman my age, and I’m not interested in knowing it. Ladies, we come in all shapes and sizes, and it is our differences that make us beautiful! Whoever said ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ was referring to the male gaze. Let’s stop that. Let’s start judging our beauty based on our perceptions of ourselves. Let’s judge beauty on our uniqueness, not on conforming to a standard that only a minority of women can actually achieve.
Female beauty is not just white. Female beauty is not just tanned or blonde. Female beauty is not just the level of toned that remains unthreatening to men – because yes, men claim muscular women are unattractive because it threatens their masculinity, not for any other reason. Beauty is however you accept your own body and become happy in it. Undeniably there are some ugly people in the world – but what makes them ugly is putting other people down based solely on their appearance and how different it is from the ‘standard’. The ‘standard’ that, let’s not forget, is just based on what the male gaze perceives as ‘the best’ or even ‘the norm’ of the female physical form.
I challenge you all to reject the male gaze. Don’t judge other women based on how men do. Don’t judge other women at all if you can help it. We are so much more than our physical measurements. If we can start talking about our friends or even just women we see on the street in positive ways, highlighting their confidence, their intelligence or their happiness, maybe we have a chance of changing the way men look at us too.