Five Types of Creepy Guys and How To Avoid Them

We’ve all been there. Out with the girls - or with the guys, or with your guy - and all of a sudden there’s just one guy that thinks it’s his right to get all up in your personal space. Not fun, right? Well, fear no more. Here are the top five types of creepy guys you’re likely to meet at any party, club or mixer across the globe - and, more importantly, the five best ways to escape them.
1. The One That Thinks He Can Dance
We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of the club (or, since we’re talking William and Mary here, probably more likely the grimy basement of your Unit of choice), dancing with your girlfriends, and all of a sudden some guy with no rhythm has your hips in a vice-like grip.
How to Escape Him: It’s no use trying to wriggle free - he’ll probably take this as encouragement, if nothing else. Instead, develop a signal. My favourite is the cutthroat movement (just wave your hand in front of your throat like it’s being cut) It’s not subtle, but who cares? Neither is he.
2. The One That Wants To Be Your Friend
This is the guy that thinks that perseverance is the key. He’ll turn up once and you’ll politely shrug him off, and after that he’s everywhere, trying to strike up conversation about where you’re from and what classes you’re taking and, if you’re from NoVa, what high school you went to. Not exactly what you want to discuss if you’re out having a good time with the girls.
How to Escape Him: Polite but firm is probably your best bet here. Alternatively, grab a guy (preferably - but not necessarily - one you know!) and pretend he’s your boyfriend. You never know - you might even make a new friend that way!
3. The One With the Bulging...Wallet
This one thinks that he can buy - or at least intoxicate - his way into your affections by buying you drink after drink. Now, I have no problem with getting a free drink or two, but don’t get carried away;
How to Escape Him:Just say no, thanks, and move away. (And, if you do accept, be sure to watch your drink as it is made!)
4. The One That Thinks He’s God’s Gift to Women
Personally, this guy is my least favourite. He’ll talk about himself, he’ll drop the cheesy lines; good looking or not, he thinks that he can give you one look and have you under his spell.
How to Escape Him: Show him he’s wrong! This guy is probably not the type of guy to take (or even notice) a subtle hint, so don’t be afraid to be forceful. Tell him straight up you’re not interested, if only to see the look of shock on his face.
5. The One That’s So Drunk He Can’t Even Stand Up
Okay, scratch what I said above. This guy is my least favourite. He’s intoxicated; all his friends have left; he can’t support his own weight and he thinks you look like a good support. Soon you’ll find him draped all over you, hands wandering, talking about who knows what.
How To Escape Him:This one is actually pretty easy. Just find a seat, set him down, and leave him there. Chances are he won’t be able to get up again, and if he can, he’s probably forgotten what you look like already.