This summer I had the privilege of attending a seminar on networking conducted by John Bourdage. Bourdage attended school for Butler Administration and Personal Assistants in London and studied under Ivor Spencer, who is famous in the field of personal assistance. Spencer is best known for his position as the toastmaster and event coordinator for Buckingham Palace. Bourdage created his own consulting business to teach entertaining and etiquette techniques to those serving high profile clients.
He began the seminar with an important fact we tend to forget. Networkingis done face-to-face, not just on the Internet. Meeting someone in person offers you more opportunities to display your true talent. He described networking as a strategic game that you win by multiplication, not subtraction. Make an attempt to be inclusive – not exclusive. Having a variety of sources can be more effective to your endeavor than choosing only people who share your same personality or field of work.
Next, Bourdage explained his theory of a “personal brand,” which he defined as putting yourself out there and building trust and reliability with people so that your reputation makes you a desirable target. The more you put yourself out there, the greater your profile and personal brand becomes. He stressed the importance of finding a mentor, or someone who can help you develop a successful personal brand. Mentors can give you an insider’s advantage and offer experience or knowledge that would have taken you years to figure out on your own. They can also provide thorough recommendations and references when you are applying for internships or jobs. Always keep your mentor up to date on what you have achieved or are trying to pursue.
Next on the list was proper conversation. Get good at small talk by being well read and knowing something about current events or well-known people. Always follow the 80/20 rule, meaning you talk for 20% of the time and listen for the remaining 80%. Becoming a good listener is important, catch yourself before you interrupt and pay attention so you can ask a follow up questions. Find out what motivates your conversation partner, and treat all their opinions with respect. Convey energy and passion for your own interests, but refrain from any profanity. You run the risk of tarnishing your personal brand if you swear or use foul language. People make the mistake of thinking that profanity can be used in a comedic way to break the ice, or better yet convey your level of comfort with your conversation partner.
Bourdage believes that the people you meet networking fall into 4 different contexts:
The Connector – Basically the middleman. They might not be able to help you directly, but they can connect you to people who you want to know.
The Prospect – This is the possible client. Be truthful with them and hopefully they will seek your services.
The Asset – The person who has something beneficial that you need. Talk to them as much as possible throughout the event and be sure to get their business card or information.
The Dud – Every once in a while you’ll meet someone who is absolutely no help to you (at the current point in time). Be polite and move on.
After meeting someone at a cocktail party or networking event, it is important to follow up in 1-3 days to keep up the connection. If you wait too long to contact someone who is a potential asset, you run the risk of them forgetting who you are.
My favorite topic that the seminar covered was networking body language. The advice was definitely applicable to many of the professional reception events I’ve been to. Personally, I recommend practicing these tips out with a friend before you use them in a public setting. Begin by looking for a “door”, or a gap in a group of people standing around. Fill the gap and try to contribute to the conversation. When there is a lull, ask for introductions and try to find something unique about each individual in order to remember names. Bourdage encourages consistent eye contact when talking to a new person, wandering eyes makes you seem uninterested or rushed.
If there are not any “doors” available, put on your brave face and find a lone figure to talk to. To avoid standing too close to your subject, back up half a step and shift your weight to lean into the conversation. If you are in a crowded room, shift the direction of your voice towards your subject’s ear as opposed to the front of their face. If you are holding a beverage, keep it tucked close to your body and take small sips. If food is being passed, choose something that can be held and eaten with one hand, and pick something that you can eat in one bite. Stay away from messy dipping sauces or anything that can potentially spill on your outfit. You won’t have to worry about speaking with your mouthful if you keep to small, simple appetizers. And always remember to grab a napkin to wipe your hand afterward. Chances are you’ll be shaking hands all night long.
If you are not socializing at a cocktail party and do not have food or drink to keep your hands busy then the best method for looking professional is called the “fig leaves”. Take your stance with your feet shoulder width apart, with your toes pointed at your subject. Then pretend for a moment that you are naked, place your hands on top of one another and put them in the area that an artist would put a fig leaf to cover the private parts of a sculpture. Make sure your shoulders are relaxed and that you are not slouching over. This is called the “fig leaf”. You can also do the “reverse fig leaf” by overlapping your hands palm up on your behind. This stance conveys that you are paying attention and not allowing your hands to distract you or give away any nervousness you might be feeling.
Hopefully you are able to apply some of this information in your personal networking experience. Some of the advice may sound silly at first, but when you are at your next office party or networking cocktail event you’ll be thankful that you looked over The New York Times and practiced your fig leaf stance before you left!
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