Whether it’s the changing trees, the cozy sweaters, or the pumpkin spice everything, there’s a lot to look forward to when fall rolls around. The Basic Girl loves fall because she finally gets to drink her pumpkin spice latte while wearing her favorite flannel-vest-leggings-boots combo. Some of us aren’t like the Basic Girl, however. Meet the Bitter Girl: the Basic Girl’s sarcastic, annoyed, and antisocial cousin. There are many articles online that cater to the Basic Girl’s love of fall, but none really acknowledge the Bitter Girl. Therefore, HerCampus W&M is proud to present the Bitter Girl’s Guide to Fall.
There are 10 major necessities. Anything else would be too much work.
1. Earmuffs/Headphones to block out the sound of annoying voices because you don’t have the time or patience to listen to everybody’s problems. Sorry that you worked so hard and still got a A- instead of an A on that paper, Becky. Life can be hard sometimes.
2. Leggings because pants are too much work and you’re not planning to shave until spring break. Any girl who says otherwise is lying.
3. Boots so slow walkers know that you’re behind them. As a bitter girl, many things annoy you. One of the most irritating things is when you have somewhere to go but can’t pass the couple who is taking a leisurely stroll while blocking the whole sidewalk. In the words of Ludacris, “Move, bitch. Get out the way.”
4. A fluffy infinity scarf for impromptu naps in those classes that you already don’t care about. Let’s face it, being bitter takes energy and you need your rest.
5. A vest to insulate your cold heart. There’s an icebox where your heart used to be, so your chest gets colder than your arms sometimes. Also, if you have to hug someone (ugh), there’s one more layer between you two.
6. Resting bitch face to ward off the tablers at Sadler because no, you don’t want to join another club and get spammed with emails. Besides, the Bitter Girl’s club is the only club you need and you’re not planning to accept new members any time soon.
7. A hat to hide your face from that one guy who you regret meeting at a party during your freshman year. There are some people who just need to be avoided at all costs. Plus, the fewer interactions with people, the better.
8. Several flannels in assorted colors to give of the vibe that you’re trendy when you’re really just trying to avoid doing laundry. Pair with the aforementioned leggings, boots, and hat and you’re basically a walking J Crew ad that hopefully intimidates people.
9. A watch because you know time is valuable and you are not spending one more second in that GER filler class than you need to. Like seriously, you’re just in Natty Psych to get that 2A requirement, not to hear that one kid ask 50,000 questions. Office hours are there for a reason, buddy.
10. A pumpkin spice latte because deep down you know you’re a little basic and you don’t care. Underneath all those layers of bitterness, there’s still a part of you that loves fall.