I know what you’re thinking, but I promise that this isn’t irrelevant. Sweaters and New Girl have everything to do with each other. I mean, everyone on the show loves their sweaters, and heck, you probably wear your sweats while watching the show. To further illustrate how the two actually relate, I’ll show you (based on the science of totally making things up) how your choice of sweater actually reflects which New Girl character you are.
The Hoodie: Nick
You’re the definition of chill. You just DGAF about what other people have to say about you. You’re nothing fancy, but you’re what everyone wants. You’re just extremely comfortable to be around and are super down to earth. Plus, you’re just a very relatable person—let’s be real, we can all empathize what it’s like to be drunk 24/7.
The Quarter-Zip: Schmidt
You’re nice, you’re sweet, and you’re definitely classy and sophisticated AF. You enjoy a nice glass (or multiple glasses… or a bottle? Multiple bottles?) of wine and are probably the neat-freak of the household. But what’s the best part of it all? You’re the hopeless romantic who knows how to treat your bae right. Unfortunately, you’re also just a fine hair away from being pretentious. Don’t forget, you’re a frequent contributor to the “douche jar”.
The Full-Zip: Jess
This is the OG of sweaters, so you’re obviously the New Girl OG, Jess. Seriously, you have a whole theme song about you (BTW why don’t we hear the words anymore? #pissed). You’re old-fashioned, yet you have infinite potential of being funky and unpredictable. I mean, have you ever worn a full-zip without worrying about a broken zipper? But scratching all that, you’re probably the only person in your friend group who knows how to adult (sort of).
The Crewneck: Cece
Just as a crew neck is a perfect mix of casual and stylish, you’re the perfect mix of sweet and sass. People can always count on you to keep them sane and comfortable. Most important thing of all, you don’t have an evil zipper that goes after long hair—you will never hurt anyone.
The Turtleneck: Winston
You’re awkward and goofy. No wonder people like to make fun of you. But if we’re being honest, everyone LOVES you, especially during the holiday seasons. Your passion and enthusiasm for everything around you just light up the world. Plus, you probably already have an Instagram account set up for your pets (definite sign of a winner in life). You’re just an all around classic.
The Hoodie with Cut-Out Sleeves: Coach
You’re made up of 50% cool, 30% douche, and 20% meathead. Unless you’re Bill Belichick, cutting off the sleeves is just a disgrace to hoodies. Why would you ever cut the sleeves off, like why? Literally, you’re just creating two gigantic holes under your armpits. It totally just defeats the whole purpose of wearing a sweater. Just sew the darn sleeves back on already! I’ll lend you my sewing kit.
The Reversible: Aly
You’re a cop by day and a total weirdo by night (rough translation: you’re very versatile!). You have a normal, polished side, but that can be changed at any moment. Low key, we all know that you’re just a wild beast on the flip side. But hey, we love that you’re not trying to hide it.
The Windbreaker: Raegan
You’re probably the hot one in your friend group, but you’re also feisty and intimidating. That’s not to mention you’re also sort of elusive; you’re here now, and you’re gone the next moment. No one’s really sure exactly how they feel about you. But one thing is for sure: you intrigue us. I mean, anything that tries to intrude the perfect sweater world of hoodies and full-zips (*wink* reference from above) are just plain interesting.
Chances are, you probably own at least two of the above-mentioned sweaters (aka you just don’t fit in any of the molds). Maybe you’re just your own specimen. So girl, just keep doing your thang. Rock on!