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Words of Wisdom from Jenna Marbles

If you’re a girl, like me, you’ve probably spent way more time than you’d like to admit on YouTube watching the hilarious Jenna Marbles and majorly girl-crushing on her abs.  The blonde bombshell/internet sensation can have you questioning your very existence one minute and peeing your pants with laughter the next! So without further ado, let us revisit some of our favorite inappropriate words of wisdom from the one and only, Jenna Marbles.

1. “The best days ever happen when your bra and your underwear match each other.”

2. “Thongs are the leading cause of pregnancy in the United States.”

3. “The only thing that’s going to get rid of a guy that you don’t want to talk to is to scare the absolute fucking crap out of him.”

4. “Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” isn’t about a guy at all, it’s about fucking cake.”

5. “If you give a girl a week to get ready she will use every second of it.”

6. “The longer you take to get ready, the better the night you’re going to have.”

7. “Girls are majestic fucking creatures.”

8. “Nobody has time to shower every day.”

9. “If Rihanna was like ‘let’s go run away together,’ I would be like, ‘let me pack my bag.’”

10. “If you’re a girl and you don’t have any level of girl crushes on a girl, you’re just fucking lying to yourself.”

11. “Part of the reason girls are so magical as a gender is cause we’re like fucking piñatas.  We’re all full of surprises; you don’t know what’s inside.”

12. “No matter how many lip glosses I own, if I am in a store long enough that sells lip glosses, I’m leaving with a lip gloss.”

13. “65% of my purse is just garbage. 10% is snacks.”

14. “Girls will find things that are moderately scary to be terrifying, and then things that are actually terrifying to be like ‘whatever’.”

15. “It’s not girls’ fault that they hate girls, they were taught how to do that.”

16. “As soon as you let go of just competing with people, it takes all the fucking pressure off.”

17. “If you’re a lion mother and you have two cubs and name one Mufasa and the other Scar, what the fuck do you think is going to happen?”

18. “Disney movies made me have completely unrealistic hair expectations.”

19. “Sharks are here all the time, not just one week.”

20. “There’s no cure for ugly, but you can make yourself into a human optical illusion.”

21. “One time I grew into an adult and it really sucked.”

22. “If you don’t like puppies and kitties and animals and that stuff, enjoy the rest of your life…without a soul.”

23. “I fully respect and support everyone’s right to stalk others via the Internet.”

24. “Always talk to him about your period.  Guys love that!  Because they don’t have periods!  The curiosity will just kill him.”

25. “James Franco looks like someone my vagina would want to be friends with.”

Hopefully reminiscing on all of Jenna’s finest moments over the years has reminded you that Ms. Marbles does indeed rule the Internet. The girl is a YouTube blogging genius, as if we all needed another reason to wish we were Jenna Marbles. Cheers to you, Jenna, you’ll always be girl crush #1!

Madison Krigbaum

Wisconsin '18

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