DO YOURSELF A FAVOR
When I finally committed to the University of Wisconsin-Madison, I was so excited to finally be done with the college admission process and move forward with my life. But there was one more dreadful application that still awaited me: the roommate application.
I posted on one of the Madison ‘29 Instagram pages and prayed I would find someone to live with freshman year. I reached out to a couple girls, a few reached out to me, and I eventually was able to settle on who I was living with.
While filling out Madison’s housing application, though, there was one thing that stuck out loud and clear to me: most room change requests made were by those with chosen roommates.
I was honestly very confused when I first read this; it just didn’t make sense. Having a chosen roommate seemed, at least to me, like you would know and understand the person you were living with and their habits more going into living together.
Boy, was I wrong.
In all honesty, my roommate and I never really got around to talking about our sleeping, eating or working habits. We were too busy shopping for room decor (which, though important, probably shouldn’t have taken priority…).
This lack of conversation was most certainly not unique to me and my roommate. The majority of my friends from back home were similarly not discussing any of this actually important stuff to know about someone you’re living with. You have to remember that this isn’t just a week-long sleepover or summer camp; you’re quite literally living together for practically a whole year.
The first two weeks were, living-wise, all fine and good. It was the biggest adjustment period, so we were on our best behavior. But after that, true colors start to show. It’s not all buddy-buddy anymore, and it becomes that way quickly as you begin to find your own people. There is only so much you can learn about a person from Instagram, after all.
I felt obligated to be friends with my roommate, no matter her behavior as both a roommate and a person. I was (and still am…) scared to approach her with any issues I had, especially because I had this expectation of friendship.
My best friend, attending university across the country, decided to go with a random roommate. Her roommate is not great to live with, but she’s told me she’s glad that she did not choose to live with her. She said that had she had chosen, she would’ve felt like they needed to force a friendship that just wasn’t there. And she could not have been more right.
Whether you go with a random roommate or not, you’re bound to bump into some issue down the line. It’s just what happens when you live with someone and see them constantly. But the difference between my best friend and I is that she felt comfortable confronting issues and living her own separate life because she had no ties or obligations to this person.
So yes, well it is absolutely scary to select a random roommate on your housing application, you will more than likely thank yourself for it later. You don’t need to, and frankly shouldn’t, rely on your roommate for friendship.
As for me? I walk into my room every day scared my roommate is going to be in there. Don’t be like me. You will find your people eventually. But at the end of the day, you want to go back to a dorm that you feel comfortable and at home in. One where you can live like yourself and peacefully coexist. Because at the end of the day, that’s just what a roommate is.