Dear Students,
Welcome back! I hope that you had a restful and restorative break of lying in bed and forgetting how to hold a pencil. Now that you’re back, we’re just gonna skip syllabus week and dive right into Chapter 1. I hope that you’re excited for the long and gray days ahead with absolutely no sun and a weird snow-slush limbo. Welcome back to watching 10 other students slip on the same ice patch ahead of you, lest you be its next victim.
We issue back a warm welcome from the 80, so packed with people trying to avoid walking up Bascom that you will become more intimate with a student’s elbow than you’ll ever be with some of your closest friends. You might even find love while losing your balance and falling into someone’s lap on the turn up onto Park; a meet-cute just in time for Valentine’s Day!
Now that football is over, we no longer have campus-wide holidays to look forward to every Saturday… just the never-ending trudge through more slush and the sand that does nothing to dissolve the ice that you just slipped on again.
Don’t worry though! While it may seem bleak, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to make it through the next eight unbearably long weeks that seem to take 10 years each, and then it will be Spring Break! You’ll have a whole week off to dwell in your own anxieties for the finals that will hit you harder than Mykeighley’s backpack on the 80.
Welcome back again. New year, new you, right? Maybe this semester you won’t find yourself crying into your fourth $2.50 Long Island at 11:47 p.m. when you know have to get up at seven for work the next day. This semester you are actually going to keep up with the readings, and I mean you were going to start working out more, but the Nick just still isn’t open and there are absolutely no other options for you. Before we send you off for your semester, I just want you to turn to your neighbor and discuss what we’ve been talking about. Introduce yourself, maybe throw in a fun fact.
On Wisconsin!
Love, UW Campus