Alcohol Drinking Hands Party

A Very Official Ranking of Seltzers

Since the beginning of time, humankind has debated which spiked bubbly water has been the superior drink to which one must drink at every tailgate, wedding, birthday party, funeral and so on. Today I will attempt to answer the question that no one has ever previously thought to attempt: what is the best seltzer? Because this is a Very Official test, I will conduct this experiment with the assistance of the handy-dandy scientific method.

Objective: I set on a quest to do the most accurate, non-debatable, scientifically proven taste test of spiked seltzers on the market and compared the brands of Bon & Viv, Natural Light, Press, Truly, Smirnoff and White Claw.

Methodology: Enjoy the crisp burn of a sip of each seltzer. Rinse with water. Move on to the next seltzer.

Results: Without further adieu, I present the results of the Very Official Ranking of Seltzers!

 

6. Bon & Viv

Garbage. Cheap, cheap garbage. The first sip isn’t bad, but this seltzer quickly loses its flavor, leaving you with an aftertaste I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The pear flavor is decent, but not good enough to enjoy unless I felt like drinking bland water.

 

5. Truly

Not great, not great. There’s *truly* nothing that special about Truly. It tastes fine, but I usually aim to drink things that give my taste buds the ol’ razzle dazzle. 

 

4. Natural Light

Wild, but Natural Light actually produced a beverage that tastes really good! I wasn’t a believer at first, but Natty has made some killer seltzers! They’re perfect to crack open on a game day, and they’re relatively affordable. However, there are currently only two flavors, so this affected their ranking in my taste test.

 

3. White Claw

We all know the saying - there ain’t no laws when you’re drinking Claws! However, the law of *this* land says that White Claws aren’t actually that good. Sure, it's only 100 calories and the can is the perfect size to hold in your hand, but the flavors are lacking. Lime is debatably the only good flavor, leaving the rest of the variety pack good enough to water your plants with. 

 

2. Smirnoff

I may receive heavy criticism over placing Smirnoff above White Claw, but as the iconic Taylor Swift said, “haters gonna hate.” Coming in more exciting flavors than the basic Claw, Smirnoff comes in second place.

 

1. Press

Press is by far the best seltzer currently on the market! It's packed with flavor and the aftertaste lasts the longest (in a good way!) compared to the others. Priced only a few dollars more than White Claws, Press is the way to go for all your party events!

 

Thank you for joining me on this journey to find the best tasting seltzer in the nation! Drink responsibly!