An Unapologetic Letter to “Those Guys”

Dear “Those Guys”,

 

You know who you are, and us girls know who you are, too. You’re the kind of guy that cannot take a hint when a girl is not interested. You just believe that you're entitled to a girl’s time just because you expressed interest; you degrade women when your feelings are not reciprocated.

You’re the guys that most try to avoid at the bars, parties and libraries. The unfortunate few who do not know better instantly regret the small talk you share. It’s sad, because the few of  “those guys” that do exist, tend to give a bad rep to the general male population. As easy as it can be to spot some of “those guys,” some of you are better at hiding your true colors initially. As brutally honest as this letter will be, it needs to be noted that your actions and behavior are not — and never will be — okay. Well, “those guys”, this one is for you.

In middle school — yes, I still remember — you made a list of the “hottest” and the “nottest” in our class and rated each girl one by one.

In high school — because no, it did not stop after middle school— you made a Twitter page, tweeted false quotes and tagged girls’ names in them. “If you score a goal at the game, I’ll let you score another later tonight.” For the record, I never said that.

You said you couldn't wait to get to know me and wanted to meet up soon. However, five minutes after I said tomorrow would not work because I had to study for finals, you declared that I was “stuck up” and “hopefully would find someone who actually wanted to talk to [me] someday.”

You asked me to study with you, and I agreed. However, after getting stumped on a homework problem, you left our study session and went home. An hour later, you snapped me saying you knew the answer but would need a certain type of snap in return before you would give it to me. I said no to your request and asked if you even had the answer. You didn’t.

You said, “F*ck you,” and that I should go “F*ck [myself]” because I informed you that my friend, who you wouldn't stop trying to grind on, had a boyfriend. Even after that, you did not stop.

You cat-called me, and when I kept walking, you shouted, “F*ck you!”

After months of being together, you ghosted me.

You saw that I was out with a guy, but proceeded to try and grab my waist. Even after moving across the room, you still looked at me just like I was a prize to be won.

You asked me, “Isn’t that why you’re a waitress? So you can walk around and have people stare at you?” I am not an object.

My friends told you I had a boyfriend. When I went to the counter to grab another drink, you came up to me and tried to kiss me. I told you to stop, but you did not stop trying. I left the bar early that night to get away from you.

You invited me over to play Wii. You smugly proceeded to tell me the television didn’t work, and we’d have to find “something else” to do. I pressed the power button; it worked just fine.

I was trying to make my way through the crowd, and you proceeded to grab my butt as I passed by you. I didn’t even know your name.

You and I were friends for years until you said, “If I don’t get some pretty soon, we won’t be friends for much longer.”

You asked me out, and when I turned you down, you told everyone it was a joke and I wasn’t worth the time.

You and your friends would touch me sexually in class every day, while the teacher would watch and say nothing. You made me believe that if I told anyone, I would be to blame. “No” wasn’t good enough, and I felt completely powerless.

It was not our fault. We weren't wearing the wrong clothes; we weren't walking home too late; we didn't ask for those intrusive actions or obscene words — and you know it. And the rest of “those guys” know it, too. The fact of the matter is that your behavior and actions resonate with “us girls”. You’re the reason we feel uncomfortable walking home alone; you’re the reason we ask guy friends to act as a boyfriend, just to prove that we are not available to you; you’re the reason we get up and move from where we were seated in public places; you’re the reason we cross the road to the other side. “Us girls” want you to know that no woman should ever be treated like this, and we’ve had enough. We will not stand for your vulgar behavior any longer.

Goodbye “those guys”, and hello to the respect we deserve.

 

 

Sincerely, “Us Girls”

Note: Some responses and quotes have been altered slightly due to only grammatical needs.