About as thoughtful as it gets!
It’s a post-it note clung to the fridge scribbled with ‘have a good day’ waiting for you when you wake up late. It’s the thought of, I’m going to clean the kitchen for my roommates because I know they’re having a busy week, even if you’re having a busy week yourself. It’s the random ‘just because’ flowers, the “I brought you this chocolate because I thought you’d like it” and the ‘how are you’ text from a friend you haven’t heard from in a while. The tiniest things that we as humans do to make the lives of those we love easier are quite beautiful if you think about it. Whether it’s an act of service, the gifting of something small or those little words of affirmation; the art of intentionality should never go to waste.
Sometimes, however, it’s not this easy. What happens when we wish someone in our life would be a bit more intentional in their actions? How can we find the balance between communicating with people what we need as humans, in our relationships and friendships, versus simply wishing those people just knew how to be intentional with us? It can feel as though once we have to ask for something, it does not feel as meaningful. Once you ask, the magic escapes. It can be even harder when we feel as though we hint at certain things and they are still not implemented by those we love. How do we handle this?
First off, those around us are not mind readers. Yes, they should be implementing intentional acts within your life, but they may not know which specific acts are more salient to you specifically. Perhaps they think that by tidying up the kitchen, your stress is at ease. However, maybe you would be more appreciative of the gesture of a home-cooked meal or fresh flowers. We must remember that we are all different people with different thought processes that have been raised in different ways, so it is not always so clear what someone’s ‘love language’ is in terms of intentionality. Keep an eye out for these gestures, because they may be present in your life without you even realizing it! Let your voice be heard that you are appreciative of these actions so that the giver of the intentional act knows you appreciate it.
However, if you feel as though someone is consistently not thinking of you and their actions have proven it, trust your gut. Especially if you have already communicated that to them. Then, it may be time to reconsider that person’s influence on your life and emotions. Perhaps it will simply serve as a reminder to not give so much of yourself to someone who would not even give an ounce of that consideration back. Or, have another talk with that person, perhaps prompting them that they need to work on their communication and ways to prove your importance to them.
May this serve as a reminder that the art of intentionality is truly simple. Whether it be the smallest or grandest gesture, it will never be overlooked or forgotten. Buy your significant other those ‘just because’ flowers to show you are appreciative of them. Take your turn taking out the trash if you know your roommate is having a day. Take the time to text your family or friends that you love them in the morning. Tell someone you thought of them when listening to a certain song. This may very well be the only thing that gets them through the day.