I recently turned 20 years old and I never thought too much about getting older until everyone around me kept talking about the next big decade of my life. I have, however, been thinking about the past 10 years, which is the first decade in my life I will completely remember. I’m certainly still not the wisest at only 20, but I’ve had my fair share of life lessons.
Throughout my teens, I’ve struggled with finding a “friend group”. In high school, it felt like this was all everyone talked about and frankly, I cared less then than I do now about such artificial things because I knew I would branch out once I left my small suburban bubble. In college now, I’m still less concerned with the idea of having the same friend group that hangs out together all the time, but am more focused on the quality of my friendships. Finding people in my life to not only go out with, but that I can rely on to help me through rough days has been harder than I expected, especially since over half of my time in college now has been during the COVID-19 pandemic. I cherish the friends that have continued to check up on me in times of need and I can recognize a fake friend in an instant.
Most of my time and energy is typically spent somehow affecting someone else’s life. So respectively, I have analyzed my social interactions to a great extent. A goal I’ve been working on for years is to be more present, especially in conversations. Truly listening to what others have to say without only thinking about how you’re going to respond is so valuable. At the same time, advocating for myself is a trait I did not develop much in high school and has proven to be one of my greatest flaws as sometimes I let people step all over me without standing up for my worth.
Something that’s made me stop questioning myself so much is to no longer use labels to try to describe my personality traits because it can be constraining. As much as I loved taking personality tests for fun, it was frustrating to figure out if I was an extrovert, introvert, or ambivert. In reality, defining such traits doesn’t necessarily help figure yourself out because we all feel and act differently depending on the day. You can imagine how much I hate icebreakers and introductions where I have to describe myself in a mere few sentences.
Another major defining reflection of my teens was self-care: learning about it and how it applied to myself. The conclusion I’ve come across time and time again is that it’s a constant journey of exploring your interests and taking care of yourself even on days when it’s hard. It’s not just random bursts of face masks and shopping sprees, but rather using your own love language to love yourself. For me, setting a routine helps make my days feel less stressful on a consistent basis. Taking care of yourself properly might feel like a chore, but it’ll help make your life something you don’t feel like you need to take a vacation from.
