Sorry for the lack of a creative/witty/amusing title, but this post is all business, and – to be frank – exactly what it sounds like. I decided to use this entry to tell some of the fascinating, hilarious and downright shocking hook up stories of my friends. Please be forewarned that while I am aware that not all guys are a$$holes, this post provides ample evidence that they just might be. (Kidding, kidding! No offense to all the great guys out there, I know you exist.)
1. The Serial Stranger
One friend – let’s call her Molly – met a Cute Guy one night at a bar. He was a friend of a friend so she figured he couldn’t be too bad; plus, he seemed interested. They talked all night, got a couple drinks and even danced a bit. Molly was having a great time and before she knew it, things got hot and heavy. All was well, and Molly couldn’t wait to go out the next night to see Cute Guy again. However, Cute Guy had other plans. Molly spotted him out of the corner of her eye and walked over to say hi – until she realized he was with another girl. Like really, with another girl. The two were holding hands and being lovey-dovey, and before Molly could avert her eyes, the two of them made eye contact. Molly smiled, and he pretended he didn’t know her. She accidentally-on-purpose bumped into him several times that night, and each time he pretended they were complete strangers. Honestly, WTF.
2. ‘Twas the Worst of Times, ‘Twas the Worst of Times
This is a most recent tale, and concerns a friend I’ll call Erica. Last weekend, she found love in a hopeless place (a bar) and moved things back to her place. Everything was going smoothly, and she was pretty pleased with her snag, until she took a quick time-out to get a glass of water. She returned to the boudoir to a most startling question: “Does it smell like fart in here?” Erica narrowed her eyes appropriately and looked suspiciously at her boy du jour. “Noooo,” she said, puzzled. “Why?” “Oh thank god,” said the boy, noticeably relieved. “I’ve been holding one in all night and let one rip when you left.” Naturally, Erica had no choice but to cut the night short after that.
3. The Case of the Aggravated Friend
My friend “Steph” and I have been best friends since the fifth grade. She is a bubbly, down-to-earth, gentle and laidback person, and it is a rare, rare occasion that I ever see her upset. She lives in her own world and never lets anything bother her (a trait which I envy), and, to top it all off, she is gorgeous. All this means she has never really had any problems in the boy department (which I really envy). However, after spring break last year – in which she was hooking up with the same, “great” guy all week – something inside her snapped. After break, she came to the painful realization that He Was Just Not That Into her. Maybe it was the post-spring break exhaustion, mild intoxication or a mix of both, but she marched up to him at a bar one night and demanded to know why he didn’t like her back. Steph doesn’t demand anything from anyone, so upon hearing this part of the story I was immediately intrigued. When he brushed off her comment with a, “Come on, let’s not do this right now,”…well that was the last straw. She wound up and punched him. In the lip-cheek. It was neither lip nor cheek, and thus, lip-cheek. He was stunned, she was stunned, and that effectively ended their relationship.