TO the toxic, upper 1% men of my heart
“Succession” on HBO is one of the best recent television series of the last five years, and it has made the Roy family my new religion. Filled with miserable people, doing deplorable things all in the name of wealth and power, the show didn’t really sound like it was for me at the beginning. But, after some convincing from my mother, I sat down on one oddly chilly September Saturday to start the show. And since then, I haven’t stopped. So, here is my ranking of the male characters.
Also, spoiler alert… duh.
1. Kendall Roy
Objectively a bad person? Yes. A drug-addicted, power-hungry, father who won’t hug his children? Yep. Weirdly attractive with a funny, but kinda hot voice? That is also a yes from me. Portrayed by Jeremy Strong, Kendall is the second-born son of the Roy family who falls from grace throughout the show. This might just be my opinion, but despite Kendall’s faults, including attempting to backstab his family, relapsing in his addiction that destroyed his marriage, not caring about his own children, and… uh… killing someone, Strong portrays Kendall in such a way that makes the audience forget about all of that and continue rooting for him.
2. Cousin Greg
This is an ode to Cousin Greg, the dopey 6’7” boyfriend of the show. The show simply needs Greg to balance out every other character. He is sweet, clueless and charming. On top of that, he has morals, which is a major win in this show. Greg wishes to leave ATN, the global news sector of Waystar Royco, because it doesn’t align with his values. Also, Nicholas Braun, I am free Thursday nights.
3. Roman Roy
The true comedy of the show, Roman, portrayed by Kiernan Culkin, is the quintessential cocky, infuriating nepotism-baby that has actually never done anything in his whole life. But he’s kind of the best. Needlessly crude and arrogant, I feel like Roman actually does a good job of showing what some major executives that practically own a small portion of the world are like.
4. Tom Wambsgans
I refuse to believe this is Mr. Darcy to Kiera Knightley’s Elizabeth Bennet. Mr. Darcy has been my fictional crush since I read the book when I was 15. However, Tom Wambsgans, portrayed by the same actor, Matthew Macfayden, is not a crush in any way. Tom is perhaps the most power-hungry in the show, because he is not in the bloodline. Despite being married to Siobhan, you are not a Roy if you are not born a Roy, so Tom annoyingly urges himself forward in Waystar Royco any chance he can get, creating a rift between him and his wife.
5. Logan Roy
Logan is actually evil and, as stated before, a terrible person. But, you can’t help but laugh when he stouts “f*ck off” every other sentence. That’s it.
Honorable Mention: Connor Roy
Connor doesn’t deserve to be on this list. Alan Ruck is so good at playing the slightly off-kilter, weird older man that you kind of just have to smile and nod at before he makes another sketchy comment that will leave you fuming for hours. Remembering his short stint as Hubbell Flowers in “Bunheads” on ABC Family, a show that I was obsessed with when I was an 11-year-old aspiring ballet dancer that loved Amy Sherman-Palladino and “Gilmore Girls,” Connor is Hubbell times a thousand.
As the third season of the show continues to air weekly on HBO, I am eager to see if my list will change any more as the things continue to change in life and legacy of Waystar Royco.