We all know that the freshman year of college is about experiencing new things, discovering alien situations, and learning… a lot.
However, there is one thing that I overlooked when mentally preparing myself for freshman year. What I disregarded when imagining my future at the UW was the absolute lack of familiarity. Nothing is completely “comfortable”.
Now, I am not a homebody. I’m not a mama’s girl. I have never really been homesick. But, man, this kind of sucks sometimes.
Some days I want to scream at my flip-flops, “WHY AM I WEARING YOU IN A FRICKEN SHOWER? YOU DON’T BELONG THERE!”
Then, when I actually get in the shower, I feel like I am surrounded by walls that secrete ooze, rather than mint-green tile where I’m supposed to actually get cleaner.
After hitting my head for the 16th time while on my lofted bed, I’ll decide it’s a good idea to cuss violently for several minutes to myself, figuring it would subdue the bruising. It doesn’t.
Every once in a while, I stare at a picture of my dogs on my phone, slumped, broken-hearted at how absolutely adorable they are and how little they’re in my life anymore.
I’ll adjust positions on the mini-futon in my dorm over and over, waiting for the “ahhhh” moment my derriere constantly pleads for. It doesn’t come.
About once a week, I’ll give a murky, angst-filled stink-eye to the food on my plate. Ramen just doesn’t cut it, and the Mexican at Gordon is…. dangerous.
So, apparently I’m slowly becoming insane… or, more likely, I’ve caught homesickness. Who knew? I, personally, am fairly shocked at how frustrated I can get from such insignificant things.
There are so many little details about living the college life, like using hand dryers instead of a towel, not being able to sprawl out wherever and whenever I so choose, and having my dad whip me up a yummy sandwich when my stomach growls, that make me homesick.
But there is something I miss more than all these material things.
I miss those human relationships that made me so incredibly comfortable. I miss feeling like I have an infinite group of people who care about me. I miss those friends that know exactly who I am and totally accept me for all my oddities.
Its not like I absolutely hate everyone I’ve met here. On the contrary, I have made acquaintance with tons of people that I find interesting and funny and kind. However, I haven’t been here nearly long enough to totally expect complete and utter friendship from any of the people I’ve met here.
So, it’s a little lonely. The lack of the mundane comforts of home and missed loved ones makes it a little harder to adjust to college.
But, I don’t think it’s impossible. Because everything is new, I’ve been pretty busy, and a lot of the time, I don’t have time to dwell over my puppies or my mother’s Italian wedding soup (by God, it is delicious though).
Of course, I miss the important people in my life. I try to make a point to keep in contact with them, especially since social media makes it so incredibly easy.
More than anything though, I’m finding where I am comfortable here. For instance, I adore studying in the Helen C. library when the sun starts to set. The view over the lake is incredibly peaceful, and always puts a smile on my face. I made a point to make my room as livable as possible, with pictures, color coordination (thanks, roomie) and a plant or two, and I actually do enjoy being in it. I can tell, too, that I am creating relationships with people here. I have a phone number or two that I can call if I want a partner to grab something to eat. I can gossip with several girls on my floor. I can watch football and discuss school and complain about the fricken elevators in Sellery with a particular few.
So, maybe it isn’t so lonely. I think we’re all entitled to a day or two to mope, but when I really look at my life here at Madison, I am happy. I’m happy to be here every day, even though I really truly cannot wait to be able to sit in my hot tub when I return home for Thanksgiving and I have a list of people that are due for a very, very long hug.
I think we’re supposed to miss home, at least a little bit, especially as freshmen. At the same time, I think it’s particularly important to find things that are comforting here at school as well, because if I spend all my energy bumming about how I can’t light a candle, then life in college would be totally miserable.
I’m slowly discovering what, and who, makes me smirk here, and I think as time goes on, I’ll miss my teddy bear less and less, and learn to embrace the great view I have from my dorm room, the above-average mushroom soup at Gordon, how pretty the Capital is at night, and the buzz of the street on a Saturday night, all with a smile on my face.