An Open Letter to the Worst Roommates a Girl Could Have

Dear ladies whom I made the unfortunate decision to live with,

It’s been nearly a year and nothing’s gotten better. If anything, it’s worse. We know we are not friends. We didn’t even start as friends, but many random roommates turn into friends. Too bad we never made the effort. It’s been downhill since September. You have done nothing but make me feel uncomfortable in my own home and my attempts to explain why are ignored with quick “Sorry you feel that way”s and “We don’t do that”s. This isn’t fair to me. Do you think I like coming home? I don’t. I guess that’s what you want though, right? Congratulations! Because of you, I try my best to keep busy around campus until it’s late enough that when I get home, I can just go straight to bed. Yes, you make me that uncomfortable.

It’s your condescending stares whenever I try to use the kitchen or sit in our living room and how you purposely pull kitchen stools in front of my doorway so I have to kick them out of the way each and every day.

It’s the fact that I can’t use the sink to wash my own dishes because it's overfilled with yours. Not to mention, the sink always smells like something has been left to die in it and the fridge usually smells just as bad. (If you’re actually reading this, it’s time to wash your month-old plates and throw out your milk that expired on Sept. 18.)

It's the fact that I can't prepare food on the kitchen counter thanks to more dirty dishes everywhere and all the disgusting, sticky messes you leave and refuse to clean for weeks. Yet somehow, I always get stuck cleaning up after you when I decide I've finally had enough and want to cook a real dinner. #I'mNotYourMom #OrYourMaid

It’s the fact that we had to disable our apartment group chat because everyone takes things so out of context and attacks every comment I make.

It’s the tacky display of sticky wine bottles along the dusty window ledges that you refuse to get rid of even though they’re attracting flies and the *crunch* under my feet anytime I leave my room because the apartment floor is covered in old pretzel crumbs, stale popcorn, rice cakes and “woats”.

It’s the way your eyes bore into me, watching my every move and following me around the apartment anytime I step out of my bedroom and how you continue to stare until I leave or hide in my room again. Like, can I help you?

It’s the intentionally loud conversations I hear repeated over and over about pointless topics like how dry your new towel makes you or how much you LOVE mushrooms or how much that one class you’re both in sucks. It’s almost like you have nothing else to talk about and you're talking just for the sake of making noise??? (No malice, valid question: are you really friends, or just "friends" so you can all gang up on me??? Also, can we please remember to use our indoor voices???)

It’s the overflowing heap of trash, filled with food that rotted weeks ago and plastic bottles that you’re too arrogant to recycle. 

It’s the crusty towel that’s been hanging in the kitchen for at least the past month. Though, this actually makes me laugh because I’m not really sure if any of you truly know what its purpose is… I’ve seen one of you use it to dry your hands and dishes, but I’ve also seen it used to wipe spills off our dirty kitchen floor.

It’s the way you have to obnoxiously yell to each other whenever you leave the apartment, “OMG BYE ***** I’ll MISS YOU, HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!” and how you’re just as quick to run into each other’s rooms when you return home to shout, “OMG HI I’M HOME, HOW WAS YOUR DAY!?!” (Again I must question, how genuine is this enthusiasm…???)

I have never met a more petty, immature, self-centered group of girls. Between the current state of disaster our apartment is in and your blatant dislike for me, I hate coming home. Living with you is so awful I wish I weren’t staying in Madison this summer. Actually, I wish YOU weren’t staying in Madison. This is my apartment too, you just make me feel sooo unwelcome in it.

If you’re questioning “Why?” please take a minute… You are rude and patronizing. Uncomfortable and belittled is the only way to describe how you make me feel. And you’ve all made it quite clear that you couldn’t care less. You’re also incredibly messy. Actually, I’d say dirty is a better adjective. Do y’all have housemaids at home or something? Always rely on mommy? I hesitate to even eat food in this place, it’s so disgusting. I’m sure all the groups who come touring our apartment leave saying, “We won’t EVER let our apartment look like that.”

If you’re ready to get your act together, I guess I’d appreciate that, but honestly we all know friendship is out of the question. It’s too late. I will always feel uncomfortable anytime I’m near you/see you/even hear about you. But hey, if you start doing your fair share of easy household chores, that would at least make the summer more tolerable for me.

In all honesty,

the roommate whose year you’ve ruined.