Dear Someone I Can’t Hold Up Anymore,
I am sorry.
I am weak and tired, and I am so sorry.
We have had a long journey together – one that I do not regret. You have been a tremendous part of my life, and it’s going to be hard to let that go.
I need to let it go.
For you and for me.
This relationship was once flourishing and nurturing for both of us. We used to have each other’s back, right? The more I think back on it, though, I don’t know how much I can believe that anymore. What was I to you?
Our conversations made me tired as I used all my brain power on the issues you wanted me to fix for you. I’ve fallen behind on my own responsibilities and relationships spending my time tending to your requests of me. I’ve spent so many hours thinking about your life more than my own.
People have been worried about me worrying about you. I care about you so much, but I can’t be sure you ever did for me.
But when I think about all of these things, I cannot think of what you have done for me. I can’t remember what I would talk to you about of my own life. Do you know how my family is doing back home? How about the classes that I’ve been considering dropping out of stress just like you did? Are you aware of my passion for Communications like the one you have? And I know you have no clue about the problems going through my own head – a lot of them fueled by you now, and only by my own fault.
You made me believe you were really there for me. I truly felt I was doing everything necessary for you and me. But, when I look back on the past months together, I can’t find myself anywhere in them. I don’t even know where I am right now, surely not here; I don’t know who I am anymore.
I don’t know who I am without you.
I have been so blinded by my conceived idea of your love for me. You only “love” me because you need me, huh? I think I get that now, and I’m hurting… so much. I miss you already. There’s a giant hole where you once were in my life.
I’m feeling hollow and worthless. But I think I’ve been feeling that way for some time now. Again, something I’ve done to myself.
You are a good person. I know that with my whole being. You’re just working through your hurdles, and I need to let you do that. I look fondly at the memories we have made, and I will keep them and you in my heart.
I have to go become human again. My own journey and destination are waiting for me. Maybe ours will cross paths again.
Thank you for teaching me lessons and being a part of my life in any capacity. I wish the best for you always.
Best,
A Friend From Afar