Dear my best friend’s new boyfriend,
So, you’re lucky enough to be dating my best friend. Because she’s my best friend, I just want to introduce myself; you’re bound to see a lot of me. First of all, I’m so happy that you make her so happy. I’ve been hearing about you for forever, and I became personally invested in your relationship. It was almost like watching my new favorite rom-com.
Sure, I’m excited to hear about all of your cute dates, but I’d just like to apologize in advance for all of the date nights I’ll inevitably third wheel. Sorry, not sorry.
That said, I promise to try making new friends so I’m not always in your space. I can only take so much of your love before I explode. Or, I’ll allow my single self to wallow in my lonesomeness and eat a whole chocolate cake — whichever comes first.
All I ask is that you don’t hate me if I steal her away from you for some girl time. But, I can’t promise we won’t gossip about you.
I also just want to put it out there that, despite being happy for you both, if you hurt her, you’ll have to deal with me. And by “deal with me,” I mean most likely dealing with me avoiding you and secretly resenting you because I hate confrontation — but that’s beside the point.
I would go to the ends of the Earth for my bestie, and I know that as long as you love her half as much as I do, she’ll be in good hands.
The Best Friend and the Official Forever Third Wheel
P.S. If you know of any cute, single guys… send them my way. We both deserve to find love, amirite?