It Shouldn’t Be This Hard
*TRIGGER WARNING* – mention of sexual assault
Sexual assault is a very difficult thing to go through, yet someone is sexually assaulted less than every two minutes. Despite the commonality of it, getting mental health help is so difficult, it’s maddening. When it happened to me, I felt like I was just another statistic. I felt stupid, guilty, angry and most of all — confused. But, I had no one to talk to. I didn’t need medical help and I wasn’t ready to report anything; I just wanted to talk. My friends were there for me, but it can be a lot to put on someone and they are not professionals. I didn’t feel comfortable talking to my family and I couldn’t afford a therapist, so my only option was to call the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800-656-4673).
Within the first two days of my experience, I called the RAINN Hotline FOUR times and tried to reach someone via their online chat twice. I was either transferred over and over, put on hold or put on a waiting list of nine people ahead of me until I was told someone would get back to me within 24 hours — which didn’t end up happening — and I gave up asking for help. It had been five days when I finally heard back from someone, and even then I was told I couldn’t report the situation without starting an investigation in order to “get the other person’s side of the story.” This made me realize why so many women don’t say anything. I literally just wanted somebody to talk to, but I had to deal with it by myself.
I then contacted the university’s mental health services to get in to see a provider. The earliest they had a female provider available was three weeks out and I was worried that by then, I would’ve buried the memories and the feelings associated with it too deep down to feel comfortable rehashing it.
All I could think was how ridiculous this system was and how unnecessarily difficult it was to simply talk to someone about a traumatic event. It made me so mad that unless I paid through the roof for a therapist, I couldn’t get the help I wanted. I felt defeated that even though I had tried so hard to get help, it just wasn’t working. I realized this is exactly why people keep their mouths shut and don’t do anything — it is simply too damn difficult.
My heart aches for every woman who has gone through this, and the sad truth is that over 80% of women have gone through it. And if their experience was like mine, they dealt with it silently, only having a couple of people to talk to and no professional help. It’s sickening that our system is so heavily influenced by money that seeking mental help is too costly if you don’t have decent insurance, which results in these free hotlines being flooded with people going through crises.
Something needs to be done about our incompetent health system when it comes to receiving mental support. Our society needs a gross change in its policies if it begs us to speak up about our issues and to destigmatize mental health issues, because this system forces us to keep quiet and struggle in silence. It’s absolutely disgusting that people have to deal with traumatic events like sexual assault on their own because our country doesn’t provide easily accessible resources.
If 80% of women get sexually assaulted at some point in our lives, we deserve better than dead-end phone calls, a failed justice system and being silenced. We deserve support and being heard. These resources are a step in the right direction, but we still have so much work to do to create policy changes that make our resources better accessible to survivors.