I’m Still Getting Used to Being Consistent

As a creative writing major, I recently ventured into my very first ALL fiction-based writing workshop. The cool thing about this class is that I only have two assignments due weekly. The not so cool thing is that those assignments require me to write over 2,000 words of fiction per week, more than I’ve ever been administered to write for a class ever. The instructor’s motive is to give us an opportunity to make writing a habit: if I force myself to write everyday, eventually it will start to feel weird when I don’t. 

Isn’t that how all habits are supposed to work? Humans love patterns. We’re routined creatures, rising with the sun and sleeping with the moon. We create habits automatically. Most of these tend to be not so good, like biting your nails or instinctively scrolling through TikTok when you’re bored. 

It’s the good habits that take a little extra effort. These include making a point to do your laundry every Sunday, or going to the gym at the same time everyday. You need to train your brain and body to do these harder things habitually. I do a lot of these: run often, eat fruits and veggies only, write a paragraph a day. Though starting habits and saying you’re going to do them is easy. Keeping up with that habit consistently is not so easy. 

As I’m nearing the end of my junior year of college, the pressure’s on to create these so-called “good habits.” Not only do I have my class and work and writing schedules to abide by, but I also must squeeze in exercise, homework assignments, student org meetings, keeping up with friends, a rigid skin care routine and for gosh sakes remembering to eat (healthy)! Getting eight to ten hours of sleep almost always falls to the bottom of the list. 

It’s a lot of habits to combat at once, so much so that I feel I’m multitasking at all times. None of those habits that I’m trying to create ever get adequate attention to become custom. I get a jog in on Tuesday, but run out of daylight on Wednesday and just plain don’t feel like exercising on Thursday. Or I will write fiction on Monday, forget to do it on Tuesday through Thursday and then Friday comes about and I’d rather sleep than create characters on a laptop. 

The worst part about not being consistent in these “habits” is the moment soon after when I’m beating myself up about it. I’ll feel like a failure for overdoing it on the cookies and not the vegetables one night. I’ll make myself feel guilty for procrastinating and not turning in a better piece of writing on Sunday evenings. Not being consistent with my healthy habits creates this vicious cycle of me doing them, then forgetting or not doing them and ultimately giving up because I feel bad about not doing them. Then a few weeks later, I’ll do it all over again.

This is an unhealthy habit of its own. As much as it feels like you should be, it is impossible to do and be everything at once. Focusing on one habit at a time and building up a capacity to host more healthy habits is the better way to go about it. Instead of wallowing in my dirty pile of irregularity and lost-cause routines, I am creating umbrella habits that are actually doable for now, and will help me achieve the other habits I haven’t gotten down quite yet. 

For now, I know I can be consistent in doing things that make me feel good. There does not have to be a rhyme, reason or pattern to it. If a cookie looks good one night, and a carrot looks good another, I will be non-judgemental towards those cravings. I will do all things that make me feel good physically, and also feel good about myself. 

I also know I am capable of tackling one habit at a time. Trying to do all things at once is counterproductive. I need to nurse each habit individually so that it can grow and stand on its own, and then I can move on to the next. I think I’ll start by trying to write a paragraph of fiction every night, no matter how terrible it may turn out.

Finally, I’m going to try to be consistent in not beating myself up when things go awry. I’ve learned I cannot take my habits too seriously. Structure is good, but only if it’s loose. Otherwise negative self-talk creeps in and we’re back to the vicious cycle of dead habit doom. I’ll remind myself I’m doing the best that I can, and there is no need to blame myself or the day for not having enough hours. Instead I will reward myself for getting through the tough, busy days and be present during the good ones. I’ll keep chill pills on hand, and roll with the punches. 

Struggling to meet word counts in this fiction class has taught me a lesson that I didn’t know I needed to learn. In order to reach that goal, some really bad writing has to be turned in so the good stuff can be sifted out of it. The point is not to turn in brilliant work every week, but to create that healthy habit. To mold me into a writer that, well, writes. A runner that runs, a healthy eater who eats healthy. If things get mucked up along the way, I’ll just remind myself to keep writing.   

• habits
• healthy habits
• routine