It’s been 20 minutes, and my mind is spiraling with thoughts racing a million miles per hour. I’m supposed to be focusing on a physics review for my exam tomorrow, but instead, I’m in tears. My last bit of hope was just crushed and taken from me by only four words, “We regret to inform.” That’s all they had to say, and I knew the rest. I did not get into vet school. They rejected me and my dreams and all of my hard work. This last school, my dear in-state school, makes 5 out of 5 rejections.
I didn’t expect to react this way. I knew my GPA was a reach. After 4 rejections, you’d think I would be used to the feeling of rejection. This one is the only one that evoked such emotions in me, though, my last hope. Plus, you are most likely to get into your in-state university, and I didn’t get in. The negative self-talk began to swirl because of this. I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I don’t have enough outstanding experiences. The last 4 years of crawling through to get a biology degree and meeting the vet school requirements were for nothing. I was always stressing out in high school to make sure I got into an excellent undergraduate institution, but now this was for nothing. I could have lived more instead of sticking my nose in my textbooks or spending hours on end scooping horse sh*t in the summers. The money my parents spent sending me to pre-veterinary camps so I would have unique and impressive experiences on my application was wasted. I let my parents down, *pause for more tears and tissue blowing*. The thought “I’m not good enough” is a recurring one. I think that’s the hardest part. After all of my hard work and time, it wasn’t enough for the admissions team to have faith in me that I could handle the curriculum and be a good veterinarian.
While I’m sitting here with tissues, 96 people are cheering and celebrating. Their dreams just came true. I want to be proud of them, but I so badly wanted to be one of those 96 students. If you did get in and you’re reading this, congrats. If you’re just like me, screw those people am I right?
It’s been an hour now, and to be honest, my mind is still foggy and not listening to the lectures I’m supposed to be attending. At this moment, I am grateful for virtual learning, especially since they had to send these emails out mid-school day. If you can’t tell already, my mood is lighter. I’m getting to the anger stage of this whole roller coaster.
I am mad that they didn’t choose me. I am an intelligent young woman who loves animals and just wants to help them in any way I can. I am excellent at anatomy and physiology, as well as biology and introductory chemistry. The class that screwed me over is Organic Chemistry. The crap I’d probably never use is what destroyed my GPA. I was a vet assistant for a summer and learned so much and probably could still tell you the steps of a spay and neuter from prep to recovery. Was I able to travel around the world doing volunteer trips that cost over $4,000? Well, no, cause I’m not rich. I did what I could afford and am regretting it at this point. Although I have to say, Busch Gardens was a lot of fun, but was it really worth it now? I am good enough to be an excellent veterinarian that could have saved many pets’ lives and help advocate for the animals in my community. I put my heart and soul into this path, and they don’t know what they are missing by not choosing me. I am more than my GPA.
I’m also kind of mad that I put so much effort into this whole career path, with it basically being for nothing at this point. I could have enjoyed my time more in high school and college. I could have gone out with friends or spent more time with my family. I probably wouldn’t have an anxiety disorder if I didn’t push myself so hard just for the sake of getting into vet school. The need and push for perfection were not enough, and therefore it wasn’t needed.
I wanted to end this with a reflective summary of the good that has come out of this journey, but I’m not ready for that. Right now, I am hurt, and I am mad. I am also confused and lost because I do not know what the future holds for me right now. I know, though, that this is not the end of the world and that I will do something great.