It was eating me up inside knowing how I felt and not how he did. My best friend and I had a very unique friendship, and everyone knew it. So many people would ask me, “Are you and ****** together? Wow I totally thought you guys were dating!” I definitely do not blame people for thinking this, though. We spend so much time together and partake in activities that couples do, we bring each other as our “dates” to friend or family events and are all over social media.
How can you not like someone who you spend a lot of time with? Whether it was sitting at the table talking or being out-and-about doing a fun activity, I knew I enjoyed his presence. He made me genuinely laugh, he subtly tried to flirt with me, and he cared for me—it’s so rare for me to find someone like this. Our personalities just clicked, and I questioned many times if I could see myself as more than friends with him. I told myself to stop having these thoughts, to get them out of my head and shake it off because I thought, it will never work out, he doesn’t like you like that.
Months dragged on, and I still didn’t know how he felt. I had to do it. Even if he didn’t feel the same way, I had to know, but also tell him how I felt. I simply dropped the question, “Do you have feelings for me?” Surprise, surprise—he did. And neither of us ever mentioned it because we both thought we were the only one with feelings. How stupid that seems now! It’s not like either of us had something to lose. Had one of us not felt the same, it wouldn’t be a big deal—we’d still be the same two best friends.
Now that he and I know where each other stands, I feel so relieved. We aren’t sure what’s going to happen with our friendship or relationship (or whatever it is), but we’re taking it day-by-day, and I’m totally okay with that. Had I never asked him the question, I know it never would’ve been brought up. No matter what happens in the future, I do not regret my feelings I have for my best friend. What I would regret is not knowing if he had feelings for me, and me not being able to express mine.
Do not be ashamed if you ever feel this way about one of your good friends. Many people run into this conflict with one of their best friends and it is okay. You obviously love to spend time with them and like them as a person—sometimes it just makes sense to be together. As for my situation, only time will tell what happens in the future.