The city is filled with danger- some in plain sight, some hidden. Perhaps you’re picturing a serial killer in a dark alley right now, but that’s the least of your worries. You’re on your way to class, just minding your own business, then suddenly…
1. Uneven Sidewalk
Don’t freak, this is perhaps the most common place to stumble in the city. It almost always allows for a quick recovery to ensure the least amount of people witness you in your darkest hour.
2. Bascom Hill
This one is divided into two branches: walking up the hill verses down. If you’re on your way up the hill and trip, go for the classic take-a-knee and pretend you’re tying your shoe. If laces aren’t in the picture, fake it ‘til you make it. On the other hand, if you’re trekking down the hill, odds are you’ve already long surpassed the edge of glory and are five-starred out on the concrete. At this point you have no choice other than to go straight into push-ups. I repeat STRAIGHT INTO PUSH-UPS. There’s nothing wrong with coming off as a fit-fanatic.
3. Your own feet
I know, how could your own body betray you like this? Trick question: it didn’t. You’re now left with three options:
Play the blame game.
Pretend it was just a sneeze all along.
As Tyga would say, “Do my dance,” and play it off with a one-person flash mob.
4. A stick
Okay, maybe this one’s just me, but on my way to class the other day, I stepped on a stick and as it was parallel with my foot, it decided to do a death-roll under my Nikes. I’m still alive, but I’m barely breathing. The delightful news here, however, is that the blame game can also be used on objects. I whipped my head around and gave the evil eye to the wooden devil and people’s attention then drifted away from me and towards the twig; take that Satan.
5. The Side exit of the psychology building
PSA: THE DROP-OFF OF FEAR IS LARGER THAN IT APPEARS. Yes, I realized there was a step there, but I didn’t see the warning sign telling me to prep for landing. Luckily, there was enough forestry surrounding the door to hide my flaws.
6. A Bike
The bikers in this city definitely push their limits with right-of-ways. If I’m having a nice, innocent stroll on my way to class and you come out of nowhere, cut me off, then maul me with your bike, I’m still going to look like the fool who ran into a bike. Respect the hikers.
7. A Garbage Can
8. Stairs
I cannot stress this one enough; stairs were not designed for the weak. If you can’t keep focused on your every movement whether you’re heading up or down the staircase, then these steps are way too dangerous for your lifestyle. I suggest a quiet ride on the elevator to avoid embarrassment.
Yes, face-planting in public can be mortifying, but as you can see, there are simple ways to control the situation. From having cat-like reflexes to choosing the perfect scapegoat, the opportunities you have to bury your imperfections are endless.