Making our lives more difficult will make us feel more connected
It’s all too easy to be lonely in the modern world. Despite our constant access to devices of instant connection allowing us to contact anyone we want at any time, real genuine connection seems to be less and less common. It is far easier to watch a person live the life we want to be living on a screen than to go out and live it for ourselves.
It didn’t used to be so easy to be isolated. Modern technology allows us something previous decades did not: the ability to do almost everything needed to survive without leaving the comfort of our homes. A person can very easily complete a few online assignments for their school, work a job from home, order groceries to their front door, call a friend from their kitchen and then stream a movie. An entire day lived without any real human connection. The world is designed for people to have as little contact with each other as possible. Some people may prefer it that way. However, humans are social creatures, and most people do not thrive on this culture of isolation we have created for ourselves.
Phones and modern technology aren’t always the enemy, of course. It is easier than ever to reach a friend, make plans with them or meet new people. However, the negative effects of modern technology in relation to our social lives seem to far outweigh the positives. A large majority of (mainly younger) people wear headphones while walking these days. Waiting rooms are filled with people scrolling on their phones. Everyone is in their own world. None of this is inherently a bad thing, but the more we get used to it, the more likely it is we lose the connection-building skills we once had. There is strong evidence to the fact that people’s social skills are getting worse, especially amongst young people. The reason modern technology is such a road-block in our search for human connection is because the solution to the loneliness epidemic is effort, and technology strives to make our lives as effortless as possible.
Effort is, in my opinion, one of the most successful methods of fighting loneliness in the modern age. There’s a phrase going around that states: “inconvenience is the price of community.” Many people have busy lives. It is, of course, easier to stay in than to go out and interact with people. At the end of a long night at work, a person may not feel inclined to to wake up early the next day to have coffee with a friend who can only meet in the mornings. So they don’t go, and eventually the friend stops inviting them. This is in part a problem with the work culture in the United States. People are burnt out, tired, struggling financially and unable to get much time off. However, another part of the problem is people becoming so worried about mildly inconveniencing themselves that they won’t go out of their way to do anything that is out of their immediate comfort zone. No one is willing to wake up early or stay up late for anybody except themselves. This is not to critique the practice of self care or having boundaries with the people we love, but it has become something of an obsession. It may be important to take care of yourself and not let people walk all over you, but the constant prioritization of the self and our own comfort is almost obscene.
I am trying in my own life to make my life a little more “inconvenient” for the sake of community. Tomorrow, I will get up early even though I prefer to sleep late, and I will go for a walk with my friend. I will leave my phone and its constant distractions in the car. Later in the day I will help someone else build her new wardrobe. In exchange, we will have good conversation, and she will cook me dinner even though groceries cost money, and she hates doing dishes. I will help her do them. We have both the capability and the responsibility to do things that we normally wouldn’t do, to help our friends, our neighbors, to spend less time on our phones and more time with each other, to make our lives slightly less convenient in order to fill them with love, connection and effort.