What you need to know
Right now, many college freshmen are living alone for the first time, many with people they have just met. If this is you, you might be wondering how to live with roommates you barely know.
“Communication is key.” This cliché has been on repeat throughout my life, and probably yours, too. From my elementary school soccer team to my high school retail job, this phrase has followed me endlessly, almost always to my extreme annoyance. It wasn’t until I first experienced communal living that I fully appreciated the importance of communication and the effects that good (or bad) communication can have.
I spent this past summer working as a camp counselor at a sleep away camp. It was three months of boating, swimming, riding horses, and singing goofy songs with the coolest kids in the middle of nature. Sounds perfect, right? But as with any life change, there were also challenges. I had just graduated from high school, and all of a sudden I was living in a cabin in the woods with 10 people I barely knew! It was difficult, but luckily, it also taught me lessons I have used in college; lessons that I want to share with you.
Life experiences shape the way people communicate with others, and everyone’s style of communication is different. Communication is multifaceted; utilized correctly, it’s a tool that can enhance relationships. Misread communication styles, however, and you’re in danger of burning bridges. So how can you utilize this crucial tool effectively? There are two things to keep in mind.
1. Be aware of your own style of communication
You can’t expect people to know how to get through to you if you don’t know yourself. I highly recommend sitting down and thinking about how you like to communicate. Ask yourself: are you blunt, logical, and to the point? Do you prefer people to sugarcoat what they tell you? Would you rather plan out a long, in-depth discussion, or quickly check in when you have a spare minute? All these forms of communication are totally valid, but your roommates can’t read your mind. So do your best to discover what you like and let them know!
2. Be aware of other’s styles of communication
Knowing how you like to interact with people is just half the battle. It’s important that you find out what your roommates prefer as well. It can feel really awkward to straight up ask, “What are your preferred styles of communication?” It’s stiff and weird, especially when you have just moved in together.
Instead, make it a little more fun. Try to get to know each other in creative ways, dig deeper, and make note of what they say. For example, I asked my roommate last week what her biggest pet peeve is. She responded, “I can’t stand when people make big deals out of small issues,” which told me that she’s a straightforward communicator, and someone who values upfront honesty. Now, if I have an issue to bring up to her, I’ll keep in mind that she doesn’t want me to beat around the bush.
At the end of the day, you and your roommates are on the same team. When you intentionally work together to understand and support each other, that’s when you’ll succeed.