As Thanksgiving approaches, you might be dreading heading home. Maybe your family doesn’t accept a new political identity college has brought you. Maybe your family has never accepted your identity or sexuality. Maybe some members of your family simply never seem open to reason. Regardless of your situation, I think many of us can relate to being nervous about heading home for the holidays because we don’t see eye to eye, or even planet to planet, with our families.
Let me start by addressing the most serious of these possibilities. If your family belittles and refuses to accept fundamental aspects of your identity, you by no means should have to engage with them. Whether that means staying at school in favor of a Friendsgiving, or going home but keeping to yourself, do what you need to for your own mental health. Don’t feel guilty if your family says your “being rude” or asks “why you won’t talk to them anymore.” It can be really hard to stand up for your own identity, especially when you’re likely going to be confronted with a lot of the adults who shaped your early experiences in life. But, I encourage you to practice some mindfulness, and do what you need to for your own health, whatever that looks like for you.
Now, onto the more minor, but still awkward and uncomfortable scenario of being stuck around a table with a bunch of your extended family who, to put it mildly, see the world very differently from you. I know as a college student this situation has become more common as I’ve grown into my own political views and experienced new things in college. But, something I learned in one of my classes has stuck with me and helped me navigate those times. One of my professors told us, when you are in an argument, there’s a difference between “winning” the argument through the other person agreeing with you, and “winning” in the sense that you articulated your perspective in a way that is honest and authentic to who you are.
The reality is that some people don’t want to change their beliefs, and it’s not your responsibility to spend your Thanksgiving on a political crusade. So, to whatever extent you can, brush off those annoying comments about your age, how you’ve changed since college, and whatever else Aunt Lydia might choose to say. Focus on staying true to your identity, and remember that you can advocate for your views as often as you’d like by assisting campaigns, voting, and spreading the world in circles you feel comfortable in! Changing the political views of your extended family isn’t the only, and certainly isn’t the best, way to have an impact!
For those of you who have been lucky enough to avoid these convos so far, here are some of the usual highlights I’ve experienced. At least pop culture has given us the best possible response to these comments. Simply repeat after me: “Okay, Boomer”
“You haven’t lived in the real world yet, once you do you’ll change your mind”
“All college professors have a liberal agenda and are out to get anyone that disagrees”
“Why are young people so sensitive these days, they need to stop being so dramatic!”
“Back in my day, we understood the concept of hard work!”