My heart drops into my stomach even thinking of my most recent breakup. My heart aches from the pain that comes with losing someone who you love. Someone you thought was going to be there always. A person that goes back to being a stranger again. Breakups are not fun, but patching your heart back together is a journey worth going through.
The day it happened about a month ago, was one of the most painful things I have ever been through. He was my first love. I thought he would be my only love, but life took me in another direction. My heart was shattered. My walls were back up toward everyone. I might have been dramatic but this man was everything to me at one point. As I was crying in my bed, tears falling on my pillows black from my mascara, I thought I would never smile again. I felt so numb, processing that he was gone seemed impossible. My roommates helped me pick myself back up that day and we enjoyed a movie night together. I am thankful that they did not leave me alone that day, because I would not have gotten out of bed without them.
After the first day, weeks went by so fast. Day after day, he was on my mind always but the pain hurt less. The pain developed into motivation to better myself. I realized that he wasn’t coming back. That I should be making myself happy again. Finally, I pieced myself back together, and started moving on. I started enjoying the little things in life more, like just being thankful for smiling again. I started to involve myself even more in my friend’s lives. I channeled all my pain into journaling, because then I could reread how I was feeling the next day and elaborate on it. Journaling was my savior. It was how I healed myself. Just being able to write down my process of healing my heart helped me put a lot of things into perspective. It helped me realize that I don’t need another person to be happy, especially when my own happiness should be my priority.
Although I am writing this to you all now in tears, I promise I am okay. The pain still lingers; some days are harder than others, but overall I am happier. My happiness comes from the wonderful support system that surrounds my daily life. Without them I would not be able to smile a genuine smile. Without them I would still be that girl crying in her bed, unable to move from the pain of a broken heart.
