Bittersweet reflections from a senior in college
Staring out the window on East Washington Ave, squished against the window of the back seat of the car, I vividly remember my drive to be dropped off in Madison for college. Here I was, ready to face the world, become more independent than I already insisted I was, make new friends and have the best four years of my life. I’d gotten into my dream school, had been chatting excitedly with my future roommate online for months and was certain I’d feel at home instantly, because everything had been leading up to this moment.
But as my parents helped me carry up the last of my belongings, and I was left alone in my dorm room for the first time, my stomach knotted up. The next few days were full of a similar uncertainty; I was meeting tons of new people, but everyone was trying to connect and I felt lost in the chaos. I called my mom crying, and she returned that weekend for lunch. This isn’t what I expected. I didn’t know if I belonged here and I hated this feeling of change.
Little did I know that, while it is uncomfortable, change can be good. Because without change, we’d never grow.
The version of me living through that first week (or more like month) would never believe what my life at school looks like today. She’d beg to meet the friends I now call my roommates sooner, be in the journalism courses she thinks will define her future and have higher roles in the student orgs she adores.
And I’d have to look her in the eyes and assure her, all in due time.
I am who I am today because of those periods of discomfort. You have no sense of how lucky you are if you haven’t been on the other side of things you wished for.
On the cusp of my final semester, my biggest advice is to embrace uncertainty. Don’t expect to have it all figured out right away (or ever). It’s okay to not know what’s next for you; I’ll be turning 22 in the next few weeks, and I’m still figuring it all out. I’m grateful for all I’ve learned and gained over my time in college, but I also recognize that it is a gift to continue to grow (shoutout Eli Rallo for helping me come to terms with all these messy feelings in her new book “Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?”).
I had no idea that a couple of girls who lived down the hall from me and some members of a club would become my best friends. I didn’t truly meet them until my sophomore year, and looking back, I’m grateful for that. Experiencing friendships that didn’t quite click helped me have my “aha” moment when the right friends came along that finally felt like my people.
I also advise you to go after what you want, but don’t close yourself off to other passions or ambitions you might unearth along the way. Upon entering college, I was certain I wanted to be an author and journalist, and that still holds true. But I’ve also opened myself up to other areas and opportunities along the way due to sparks of interest in classes, clubs and learning more about myself and the world in general. Freshman year me wouldn’t have believed all the tricks I have up my sleeve from the different routes I’ve pursued.
While I’ll miss my time in college dearly, I’m doing my best to be optimistic about the future. I’m a believer in every stage of life being your “peak” when you’re in it; yes, college is incredible, but soon it will be time to move onto the next stage, and it will come with a new set of unique, joyful experiences. With that, it’s important for me to focus on the current moment—on being here now—so I can enjoy these last precious months before the next exciting chapter.