Embracing my inner child
I grew up quick. From a young age, I was always very mature and planning out how I was going to be helpful or successful. There are a number of factors in my life that caused me to grow up so fast. Being the only child of a single mother who spent more time around adults than kids, there were a lot of moments that required me to be more adult than I should have been. This is not to say that I never had an opportunity to be a kid. I had a lot of wonderful moments in my childhood and a lot of important people in my life that made this possible. I only wish I had been able to embrace and enjoy more of those moments.
But recently I had a realization: why do I have to be an adult all the time? Let’s be so real for a minute, being an adult is so ridiculously challenging. Like sometimes I don’t want to budget or get myself to work or do the dishes. I miss when life was full of fun and exploration and nothing else. So while I know that I have to be organized, responsible and at times an adult, I also realized that it would be okay for me to embrace my inner child from time to time. In fact, I started to learn that by giving little me a voice, I was learning a lot about myself and the world around me.
Now, I will admit that this task is not as easy as it seems. I mean, in theory how hard can it possibly be to just let yourself be a kid for a moment? All you have to do is live in the moment, laugh and be yourself. Turns out for me, that was much easier said than done. It feels like I am always rushing from one thing to the next and no matter what I do there is something I am worrying about. As you may notice, these characteristics do not align with embracing one’s inner child. This meant that I needed to be very intentional about making time for my inner child and allowing myself grace through this process.
One of the things I most desired to regain from my childhood was the pure joy I found in the smallest things. When I was younger I found beauty in practically everything and there was always something to be happy about. As I got older, I stopped enjoying what was going on around me and became too focused on major goals and my future aspirations that always seemed to be just out of reach. Therefore, I have been engaging my inner child to find joy in the wonderful occurrences taking place all around me. A major way I have done this is by taking walks or making space for mindfulness moments that allow me to step away from the stress and worries of adulthood and simply enjoy the moment for what it is. Finding ways to live in the present moment and practice gratitude has allowed my inner child to rediscover her joy.
Another critical aspect of my childhood that I relish in hindsight was my disregard for what people thought of me. When I was younger, I led with my heart and all that mattered to me was laughing with and caring for the people around me. It was always a good time as long as I was doing what I felt like doing in the moment. I was not worried about being perfect or making sure everyone liked me. I was just me. This has been one of the most challenging aspects of my inner child to unlock. I have created a cage within myself in an attempt to fit in and try to gain the favor of others. Thus far, the only way I have been able to allow this characteristic of my inner child freedom is to remind myself that I am enough. I look at the people around me who know the true me and love me for it. That reminds me that I am perfect as I am and there is no reason for me to be anyone other than who I am.
I would be remiss if I did not give credit to the children who reminded me that my inner child can still flourish. Since I was 14 years old, I have been working consistently as a nanny for a number of different families. This role allows me to build incredibly deep and meaningful relationships with absolutely wonderful kids. It can be easy to overlook the intelligence of children given the value society places on life experience and age, but when it comes down to it, I sometimes think that kids know more than the rest of us. Unlike adults who are bogged down by responsibilities and duties, kids are guided by what is right and the things that really matter. Working as a nanny has reminded me what is really important in life, and I will let you in on a little secret: it’s not the grade you get on your next exam or that situationship. Being a nanny has taught me to laugh, to play and to just be me.
I suppose this is all a very long-winded way of saying that I never want to grow up all the way. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of great things about being an adult. The freedom, the memories and so much more. But I think many of us make the mistake of growing up too much. We forget the most basic but most important parts of ourselves. Sometimes all you really need is to let your inner child laugh or eat a cookie or just have a second of control. It is for these reasons that I have decided it is time for me to stop growing up. In fact, I am ready to grow down, and let little me have her moment.