Things I’ve always known would happen, but now they feel very real
Getting older is such a weird thing. Obviously, I always knew it was going to happen, but I don’t know if I ever really understood what it would feel like. Now that I’m in my senior year of college, it suddenly feels very real. Before this, I recognized big milestones like starting high school, learning to drive, going to college, and getting my first apartment, but I don’t think I ever fully processed what they meant. This year, though, it’s hitting me differently. These are all observations that are fairly obvious, and in theory, things I’ve always known. But this year, I’ve felt them in a much realer way, rather than just conceptually.
One of the biggest things that makes me feel older is how I view my parents. They’re about to be empty nesters, which is exciting for them but also strange to think about. What really stands out to me is how my perspective on them has shifted. I always understood, in theory, that they were figuring things out just like everyone else. But now, it actually feels real. My mom was less than ten years older than I am now when she had me. That’s close enough that I can actually imagine what she must have been thinking and feeling. For so long, my parents were just my parents. That was their whole identity in my mind. But now, I see them as full people with their own lives, separate from being Mom and Dad. I know that’s not some groundbreaking realization, but it feels different when you actually start to feel it instead of just knowing it’s true. Understanding that is making me feel older in a way I wasn’t expecting.
Another thing that’s making me feel older is the shift in my relationship with my brother. We’ve always been best friends, but now that he’s 18, it really feels like we’re equals. There’s a big difference now. When we were younger, I’d sometimes feel like I was more in a guiding role, but now it feels like we’re in the same place, navigating life together. The fact that he’s coming to UW-Madison next year is making it all feel even stranger. I always knew we’d be in college at the same time, but now it’s actually happening, and it’s just a reminder that we’re both growing up. The whole dynamic has shifted, and it feels like we’re stepping into adulthood side by side, which is both exciting and kind of surreal.
Another thing making all of this feel more real is knowing I’ll have to move somewhere after college. For most of my life, there was always a set next step: elementary school, middle school, high school, college. However, this time, there’s no built-in path, no automatic transition. I’ll have to pick a place, find a job, and actually start building a life somewhere. And that’s exciting, but also overwhelming. I think in the past, I imagined this decision being like any of the ones I’ve made before. In reality, though, I’ve never had to make a decision this big and unguided. It’s weird to think that in just a little while, I’ll be living somewhere new, with a completely different routine, probably surrounded by people I haven’t even met yet. It’s the first time in my life that the future feels like this big open space instead of a structured plan, and that’s both freeing and terrifying at the same time.
Then, there’s the whole job thing. It could go without saying that I’ve always known I’d get a “big girl” job one day. However, it’s now sinking in what that really means. I’ve had plenty of jobs before, but they always felt temporary. A real job isn’t something I’ll be doing for a few months; it’s the start of the rest of my life. I think part of why it’s hitting me now is because I’m just starting to figure out what I actually want to do. For so long, “getting a job” was this vague future thing, but now it’s real. While I’m excited to finally have some direction, the idea of committing to something long-term feels surreal and makes me feel much older.
It’s wild to realize how much things have changed, even though a lot of it was always part of the plan. Growing up feels less like a distant concept and more like a series of little shifts happening all around me. I think what’s most surprising is how many of these changes I’m only just starting to truly feel, even though I thought I had before. It’s exciting, overwhelming, and sometimes a little strange, but it’s all part of the process. I think I am learning to embrace it, even when it feels like the future is a bit too big and uncertain.