They’re just so niche that I feel like I could be competitive.
You know when you hear about some ridiculous world record that someone set? Like most die stacked while blindfolded in 60 seconds? Or the longest walk backwards? Well, I decided to scroll through the Guinness World Record website to see just how entertaining these records can get. As I was scrolling, I realized that either I’m crazy, or some of these titles actually seem possible for me to do. Maybe not as crazy as holding a plank for a few hours though… I’m not superhuman. So here are five world records that I think I would be able to beat:
1. largest town cry
A town in the U.K. organized 280 people to cry, which set this record. I have a feeling that with the right advertising, just our freshman class of 8,000 could easily surpass that number. College is SO stressful academically and socially, plus just living alone can take a toll on your emotional well-being. I am a huge believer in letting your emotions out once in a while, and tears are usually the best way for me. I mean, just play some sad music, and talk about how much we miss being little kids and the floodgates will be wide open.
2. most pencils snapped in one minute
I’ll be the first to admit that doing homework has always been a slightly emotional experience for me, especially math. I don’t think I can count the number of times that I have just wanted to break something—a pencil, perhaps—while in the middle of a tough word problem or balancing a tricky chemical equation. I am also well aware that I don’t healthily express my emotions, so there’s got to be some pent up anger at slow-walkers and people who don’t use their blinkers somewhere in there. One minute seems like plenty of time to break over 102 pencils to me.
3. Most mini gherkins eaten in one minute
There. It’s out there. I love a good pickle, especially a sweet gherkin. I won’t be ashamed of enjoying the sweet and savory snack. If I’m in the right mood, like up late at night and craving something salty and crunchy, I could totally see myself eating more than 23 pickles in a minute. Pickles are a totally underrated snack and deserve way more appreciation than they get.
4. Fastest time to type the alphabet on an iPad
Using a school-owned iPad since third grade is finally going to pay off. I’ve been using the iPad keyboard for almost every single school assignment for about a decade. I have a feeling that once I get into a rhythm I could type the alphabet in less than two seconds. We are, however, going to ignore the fact that I did indeed fail the typing lessons with singing farm animals I had to do in third grade. I’m sure that that has not affected my typing in any way whatsoever.
Alphabetizing a can of Spaghettios
As the current record stands, the fastest time to pull all the letters out of a bowl of Spaghettios is around two minutes. I would have to agree that this seems a bit ridiculous. Give me a plastic table cloth and will dump the bowl of noodles out, toddler style, and find this letter in about a minute. I’m pretty confident about this one, so maybe I’ll try it in the future. You never know, it would be a pretty cool party trick to whip out a can of spaghettios and a certificate.
Reading all of the thousands and thousands of random acts that people have set a world record for only reinforces the idea that I will have a record of my own someday. After all, if they can do it, why can’t I? Why can’t anyone? Maybe that’s what’s so appealing about the Guinness Book of Records; that really, it’s made up of your normal, average people, getting rewarded for doing semi-extraordinary things. So, let this list be an inspiration for the next person to put on the most shirts in 60 seconds (260) or break the most eggs with one hand (32). We can all have a world record if what you’re doing is strange enough!