At first glance, it may seem like this post is a cheap rip-off of The Five People You’ll Meet in Heaven franchise – which is exactly what I intended it to be. While this might sound like I’m attempting to create a huge stereotype of your entire college career, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say, chances are, you’ll probably fit into one or more of these categories.
1. The Sorority Chick. Your slogan is “____-o or die-o” and all of your best gal pals come from living in the house sophomore year. Every night involves taking a minimum of 47 pictures since it’s inevitable that at least two of you will “look fat” in each take, despite the constant attempts at the flattering sorority squat and the ever-present skinny arm. You attend class but spend the whole time updating Twitter and surfing Betches Love This, and highlights of your day include devouring your Pumpkin Spice Latte at the nearest Starbucks and debating which sushi rolls to pick up for dinner.
2. The Frat Star. As the obvious counterpart to the Sorority Chick, the Frat Guy spends his days drinking beer and running to the liquor store to buy more. You are overly-rowdy at each and every bar and party you attend, and scream at and tackle your frat brothers unconditionally. You live for sport games and Fantasy Football, and though you strive to sleep with as many girls as possible, should any chick get in the way of these manly activities you will kick them out in the douchiest way you can think of. Your house is a mess and makes your mother sick to look at, for which you are damn proud.
3. The Hipster. A Hipster can be both male and female, as your favorite pastimes include reading at free-trade coffee shops and practicing for the poetry slam, activities that are decidedly not gender-specific. You like to think that you march to the beat of your own drummer, but simply buying knit beanies and giant fake glasses from Urban Outfitters does not make you an “individual.” You go out of your way to eat ethnic food and insist you like it – but you are SUPER careful to never show extreme feelings for anything as that would be far too un-ironic for your taste.
4. The Professional. The Professional appears to have skipped over college entirely and is instead hyper-focused on finding the perfect job. You take at least six classes each semester and spend your weekends at the library instead of the bar. You go to class everyday in slacks, a dress or a pencil skirt – never jeans. All your classmates roll their eyes since you answer EVERY question in class…but all your classmates are grateful for you since you answer EVERY question in class.
5. The Athlete. Your experience at school is way different than most of your friends, since you’re one of the chosen ones who plays a sport for the university. You have a ridiculous practice schedule and consider a scrimmage unsuccessful if you don’t vom, but are rewarded by taking the easiest classes known to man, i.e. Theatre and Drama. Gamedays are beyond stressful but you know that regardless of whether you win or lose, you’ll be getting MESSED UP that night while being treated like a veritable celeb.