Is it possible?
I watched Sex and the City for the first time when I was in high school one night, when my mom was up late watching its reruns. After one episode, I was hooked. The concept of four best girl-friends living in New York in the 90s—that was my dream at the time. Since then I’ve rewatched the show multiple times, on my own and with my college roommates, who love it too (we even dressed as the characters for Halloween once). But the more I watch it, the more I realize the show has some questionable moments. While this is probably the case for many shows from the 90s, Sex and the City is unique because it claims to be empowering for women.
My mom often talks about how when she watched the show for the first time, it was revolutionary in many aspects. For instance, the show is centered around the women achieving sexual liberation. They all have multiple sexual partners and this is framed as completely normal. And, they are very open to each other about their sex lives, making the concept less taboo. They also have different goals when it comes to relationships. Charlotte is in search of a husband, while Samantha just wants to have good sex, not a boyfriend. Even so, slut-shaming is certainly present in the show—particularly targeted towards Samantha. While she doesn’t usually seem to mind the hate she gets from her friends and others, the snide comments that are made would certainly be deemed questionable today.
The show was also seen as empowering because of the careers and financial stability the women have. They all have jobs they are passionate about and live by themselves, showcasing their independence. Only Charlotte is centered on becoming a mother—the rest of the women are fulfilled by their jobs and other aspects of their lives. At the end of the show, when Miranda gets pregnant by accident and decides to have the baby, I found the way she was portrayed as a mother to be empowering. She was still able to pursue her career, and even though she doesn’t really come across as having maternal instincts, she loves and cares for her child.
Another aspect of the show that I found empowering was the representation of adult female friendships. I found their closeness with each other while remaining independent women to be inspiring. However, their conversions often center around men, something Miranda states bothers her in the show. She asks why four educated women can’t find something to talk about other than the men in their lives, and I find myself wondering the same thing. Carrie’s column is centered around relationships and sex, and given the show’s title (which is also her column’s name) this makes sense, but it would be nice to see the women discuss something else sometimes.
Lastly, the show was seen as inclusive for including gay narratives, like Carrie’s friend Stanford and Samantha’s plot line of dating a woman. Even so, the show depicts gay characters like Stanford as stereotypical, and the women are judgmental about Samantha’s girlfriend. Further, the show dismisses bisexuality. There is one episode where Carrie dates a bisexual guy and at the end of the episode essentially breaks up with him because she’s uncomfortable with his sexuality. The show is also not inclusive or diverse in portraying people from different races either, which is interesting considering it takes place in the melting pot of New York City.
Despite its downfalls, I do love Sex and the City. I love its setting, its aesthetic, and its portrayal of independent women and female friendship. And more importantly, I love connecting with my mom and friends over it. I think that media has the potential to be both progressive and regressive, and that this particular show was revolutionary for its time while now containing some questionable narratives. I believe that it is totally possible to enjoy media that may be problematic—almost everything that was made in the past is probably problematic in one way or another. As long as you’re able to recognize the problematic things and learn from them, I certainly believe that you can support feminism and still enjoy wonderful shows like Sex and the City.