Disclaimer: This article is written with a complete “you do you” mentality. Everyone is different! Although Snapchat sort of bugs me—probably because when I DO “snap” my friends, none of them answer—this is in no means an argument to forbid Snapchat from our smartphone-centered lives. In a time where being in the know is everything, do what you have to do. If that means “snapping” both the first and last moments of each and every part of your day, well then, more power to you.
I’m just going to go out on a whim and speculate that all of you reading this article have downloaded and used Snapchat at least once in your life. Not to detract from the fact that it’s actually a pretty brilliant app, there are a few things that nobody (and I really mean nobody, in my opinion) should ever “snap”. Let’s face it, we see them all too often, especially since the invention of “My Story.” As of recent I have seen folks take Snapchat to a whole new level. Now with ease I can watch people I haven’t talked to in years do insignificant, everyday things; eat a whopping bowl of cereal, attend their dreaded math lecture, and experience “chill time” which is usually watching latest season of House of Cards. Personally, it’s a little much.
The Top Five Don’ts—plus a bonus DO—of Snapchat (in no particular order):
1. The “Quick Selfie” Snapchat
If I am your friend on Snapchat… I know what you look like. There is absolutely no reason for you to send me a picture of JUST your face. Whether you’re hung-over or… just plain hungry. Just because you feel sick to your stomach does not mean that I necessary need to “feel your pain.” Plus, let’s face it girls, we all know it took you way more than one “simple” attempt to capture the perfect selfie worth sending to your best friend and the cute boy you hooked up with last weekend (bold move—I like it). In addition, a simple caption like “YOLO” or “ugh… last night” does not make up for the fact that your Snapchat is unnecessary. A simple text message would suffice.
2. The Post-Workout Snapchat
Do you purposefully want me to feel bad about the pizza I just gobbled down? Or the fact that I haven’t hit the gym since last month? No matter the amount of sweat pouring down your face, unless you’re Maria Sharapova or Alex Morgan, you may want to quickly hit the shower before Snapchatting all your buddies. Especially now that Spring Break is just around the corner, wouldn’t we all like to look banging in a bikini? Your vertical running simply does not match up to my horizontal form of exercise. Well, truthfully it does—but I try to not let it get to me.
3. The “Checkout my Cool, New Glasses” Snapchat
What is the point? They are glasses. They help YOU see. I don’t need to know what they look like. If you really want me to get a good look at “the whole new you”, text me to hang. But just so you know… nobody really looks that different with spectacles, let’s be real with each other. However, they do make you look more studious… so kudos to you!
4. The Duck Face Snapchat (no explanation needed)
Leave it to the birds, please. And your “sexy” face— whom are you trying to impress? Additionally, a literal LOL to the people that send a “sexy snap” for longer than three seconds. Do you want your Snapchat friends (who are primarily girls anyways) to stare at you trying to be cute, attractive, sensual, etc.? Plus, looking seductive in pictures is what MySpace was for—HA, a huge blast from the past! #mirrorpics #top8
5. The “I’m Walking in the Snow” Snapchat
We go to school in Wisconsin, for goodness sake! I am pretty sure we know what snow looks like. And even if someone has not experienced the worst season of the year… most of us have seen A Christmas Story at least once. A ten-second clip of your feet sloshing around in the snow equals a ten second waste of my time.
The Biggest “Do” of Snapchat
1. You. Do you. Whether you are making a fool of yourself, or trying to seduce the man of your dreams (hopefully not post-workout…), the most important thing is to own your snaps with everything your momma gave you. And try not to send any to your parents—that could get very awkward, very quickly.
It’s very possible that I am simply missing the essence of what Snapchat really entails. Maybe the whole point of it is to make a fool of yourself, or inform people when you’re brushing your hair or going to the bathroom (TMI—trust me please). Whatever your reason to use Snapchat may be, just remember: keep your friends close… and those you “snap” even closer (two words: blackmail screenshots).