Dear My Upstairs Neighbors,
Congratulations! You’re officially “those” neighbors. You know the ones. The ones who we’re constantly getting updates from our friends about or we’re always overhearing someone in one of our classes complaining about. Unfortunately, neighbors like you are unavoidable. You’re everywhere. No matter how hard I try to love my apartment, with its perfect location, décor, and roommates, I always have you guys looming over me.
Since I’d much rather sit in my apartment and complain about you than take the long trek upstairs to resolve these issues in person, I’d like to give you some pieces of advice in hopes of quieting some of this constant noise pollution. I just hope I can gather my thoughts in between your rhythmic banging from up above. Seriously, take a break, sit down, watch some Netflix. It’s exhausting just listening to you.
1. SAVE IT FOR QUEEN BEY
There is no need to treat your living room like a runway. I’m sorry to break it to you, but no matter how hard you try, you will never EVER perfect Beyoncé’s strut. All you’re doing is making my ceiling shake. I’m sure even she doesn’t stomp that loudly walking in her 6-inch stilettos.
2. RESPECT THE QUIET HOURS
Okay, I get it. We’re not in the dorms and even when we were, did anyone actually follow quiet hours? But, give me a break. Whether it’s 12pm, 7pm, or 3am, you’re always home and always making noise. When I hear screaming in the middle of the night, I have to remind myself that my apartment’s not haunted. It’s just your not-so-friendly way of saying good morning!
3. PLAN YOUR FITBIT STEPS ACCORDINGLY
One of the worst feelings after a busy day is checking your Fitbit and seeing that you’re 1,200 steps short of your daily goal. Yes, 10,000 steps are a lot especially if you’re a season behind on that Netflix series people won’t stop talking about. But let me give you a tip. Running back and forth in your tiny apartment isn’t going to get you very far. Save your sanity, and mine, and go outside to get your steps in. It’ll take far less time than walking around in circles, you’ll get outdoors, and I won’t have to listen to you. Win, win, win.
4. A LITTLE LESS PEP IN YOUR STEP
Now I’m not saying you need to tip toe around like the Grinch trying to steal Christmas or move with the elegance of a professional ballerina. I’m sure my downstairs neighbors can attest that I’m not the quietest neighbor all the time. But you’re not going to beat Simone Biles’ Olympic tumbling run by practicing cartwheels in your apartment. Give it up so we can all get some peace and quiet.
5. WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?
Weren’t you ever taught to take turns? It seems like you guys all get up at the same time and decide to run around together. The chaos that ensues sounds like you’ve got a squad to rival that of T-Swift. I totally get the need to practice your squad formation. #Squadgoals, right? But twice a day? A bit excessive, if you ask me.
I’ve been living below you now for 2 months. TWO. Just a measly 60 days and I’m on the verge on insanity. I can’t eat, sleep, or study without the constant reminder that you’re always there. You and your herd of hooligans just constantly stomping around. While I may be slightly overdramatic about the whole situation, I know I’m not alone. Everyone has to deal with loud neighbors like you at least once in a while and everyone knows they’re the worst. Please, I beg you, quiet down! Until then you can find me trying to escape the incessant noise by any means possible.