Fighting back the feeling of failure while experiencing burnout
From waking up at 4:30 AM to go to work, applying to what seems like an endless amount of internships and balancing three jobs, I was given the nickname “Girl Boss” by my friends. While I have worked hard to get to where I am, I push myself to my absolute limit because I have this constant fear that I won’t be successful when I’m older and what I’m doing isn’t enough. But it all comes with a cost; I’m currently struggling with burnout, but we’ll get back to that. It all started when I entered my first semester of junior year. I was feeling inspired and motivated. I felt the urge to fill my free time with jobs that I felt would help me succeed in the future. The issue is, I overcompensated on what I could handle and it led to where I currently am… burnout. Hence, waking up at 4:30 AM to open the studio at CycleBar for the riders while simultaneously running the studio’s social media accounts, taking the bus back to my apartment by 8:30 AM just in time to get to my 8:55 AM class, go to two more classes, go to chapter for my sorority, design graphics for the podcast I work for, make dinner, somehow get all my homework done and get in bed by 9:00 PM to do it all again the next day.
At first, I kept telling myself that it would get easier and I’d get used to the new routine. I had to remind myself constantly that it would all be worth it. I justified this crazy lifestyle and schedule by saying, “It will be great for my resume!” to anyone that asked me why I was doing all of this. I somehow managed to balance all of this for three months. Then, one day in late November, as I was setting my alarm for 4:30 AM to wake up the next morning, I crashed. I broke down bawling my eyes one night and I felt like a failure. I started to doubt myself. I wondered why I couldn’t sustain this schedule. I was mad at myself for wanting to give up. But I realized I was doing too much. I barely saw my friends anymore. I don’t remember the last time I went out on the weekends. I looked back on the past three months and asked myself if this was worth it. I decided it wasn’t and quit my job at CycleBar. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me.
While I am still a TA and still work for my friend’s podcast ( I love doing both of these jobs), I realized that I want to pursue these jobs because they fuel me to be creative and help me grow. My job at CycleBar was amazing and I grew from the opportunities that were presented to me while I was there, but I was holding myself back from what was really important. I started to reach out to my friends again and started to revive my old self again. I realized how happy I was when I was focusing on things that were important to me. While burnout sucks and puts you in an awful place, you learn to prioritize what’s most important in your life. You see what really matters. Most importantly, you grow from it.